I can’t actually remember the last time I cooked dinner.
You know ACTUALLY COOKED dinner, not moved some shit from one container to another and heated it in some sort of receptacle and called it good enough. Followed instructions and chopped shit up and and mixed it together and there was waste that wasn’t made of fucking plastic and paper and everything!
You know ACTUAL COOKING. Manu Feildel type fuckery.
I hate to think it was Christmas, but it could be.
Shit is fucking dire around these parts my friends.
So anyway. As I had already called in sick to work because of my need to stay close to the facilities enoughsaid and my fucked up neck AND I had declared fuck it to a shower to conserve some energy (because OMG a shower is exhausting!) I had me some extra energy that was usually expended in the pursuit of moving paper from one side of my desk to the other and numbers into my bank account into someone elses!
Soooooo… LETS MAKE DINNER!
More specifically, lets make sweet potato macaroni cheese HUZZAH!
So I acquainted myself with the room where we store all the food that we end up throwing away and got to chopping!
Look! Sweet potato cubes!
And I chopped and measured and whisked and laid down for just a minute and got up again and measured and chopped and watched some Housewives Of All The Places with my friend the FuckItChuckItBuckIt™ and boiled and mashed and boiled again and then set my damn self on fire.
After I did a wonderful job of mashing up the sweet potato, and then made some fucking AWESOME mustard sauce FROM MOTHERFUCKING SCRATCH, and then shredded some fancy arsed sage ribbons like the fancy arsed biatch that I am I fucking set myself on fire boiling the water for the pasta.
Dig if you will.
Roooooooooooooooned. Just like my pride.
I wasn’t even trying to catch Pokemon. I pinky promise.
I actually was leaning over the stove to wipe the wall and my jumper caught on the flame. Stupid mistake and I am an idiot. And only proves that I need supervision at all times.
Or I just shouldn’t be wearing big floaty jumper thingies in the fucking kitchen near an open flame. Fucking idiot.
Anywhoodle. A recipe that should have taken probably 45 minutes tops took me near on 3 hours and nearly killed me but here is the finished result.
And the recipe:
Nigellas Sweet Potato Macaroni Cheese
- 500 grams sweet potatoes
- 300 grams pennette (or other small, short pasta)
- 4 tablespoons soft unsalted butter
- 3 tablespoons plain flour
- 500 mls full fat milk (I used Liddles low fat milk)
- 1 teaspoon english mustard
- ¼ teaspoon paprika (plus another quarter teaspoon to sprinkle on top)
- 75 grams feta cheese
- 125 grams mature cheddar (plus 25g/quarter cup to sprinkle on top)
- 4 fresh sage leaves
- salt (to taste)
- pepper (to taste)
- Preheat the oven to 200°C. Put large pot on to boil. Don’t set your self on fire.
- Peel the sweet potatoes and cut into cute little cubes and give yourself a pat on the back for cutting up a vegetable for the first time this year. Put knife down first.
- Add the sweet potato to the boiling water and cook them for around 10 minutes or so, or until they are soft. Scoop them out of the water into a bowl using a slotted spoon and lightly mash with a fork. Don’t get rid of this water, as you will need it to cook your pasta in later.
- Grab another saucepan because seeing you are doing the cooking SOMEONE ELSE will be doing the cleaning up so it doesn’t matter how many dishes you make SO GO NUTS, melt the butter and add the flour, whisking till it comes together, then take the pan off the heat, slowly whisk in the milk and, when it’s all combined and smooth, put back on the heat. Then using a wooden spoon stir until it has thickened. Add the mustard and the ¼ teaspoon of paprika, salt and pepper to your liking. I like a ‘fuck tonne’.
- Cook the pennette in the sweet-potato water, DO NOT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE.
- Drain (reserving some of the pasta cooking water first) and then add the pasta to the mashed sweet potato, and fold in to combine; the heat of the pasta will make the mash easier to mix in.
- Add the feta cheese to the sweet potato and pasta mixture, then fold in the white sauce, adding the 125g/1¼ cups grated Cheddar as you go. Add some of the pasta cooking water if you need to. I didn’t, cause that shit looks manky as fuck.
- Check for seasoning again, then, when you’re happy, spoon the brightly sauced macaroni cheese into 4 small ovenproof dishes of approx. 375–425ml/1½-1¾ cup capacity (or 1 large rectangular dish measuring approx. 30 x 20 x 5cm/12 x 8 x 2 inches deep and 1.6 litre/6½-cup capacity). Sprinkle the remaining Cheddar over each one, dust with the remaining ¼ teaspoon of paprika, then shred the sage leaves and scatter the skinny green ribbons over the top, too. (I didn’t change any of this because WOAH whatever… I just bunged it all in a pyrex dish and it fit and then sprinkled a fistful of cheese on the top)
- Put the pots on a baking tray, into the oven and bake for 20 minutes (or, if you’re making this in a larger dish, bake for 30–35 minutes). Alternatively, I made this in the morning, so I put it in the fridge and took it out about 20 minutes before cooking and cooked it for 45 minutes.
And the verdict?
MPS loved it. And so he should. Dude nearly became a widower.
Boo: ‘I wouldn’t eat it every day.’ (OK. So that means that he ate it so that is a HUGE WIN)
Me: I ate some and it was delicious. Would change the pasta to a smaller one and add a more flavoursome cheese. Maybe some parmesan too? Karl didn’t like me so much for eating it and I was in agony soon after but Karl is a fucking arsehole. So even though the ingredients LOOK gastroparesis friendly (I used all low fat and lactose free shizzle) it wasn’t so much. This time. Who fucking knows next week. OMG whatever.
Hooray I made dinner! Lets hope I do it again before New Years.