My absolute best friend in the entire house has died.
Get your damn minds out of the gutter.
Ok, my SECOND best friend in the entire house has died, we replaced the coffee machine not long back…
*side eye you filthy minded fuckers*
Richard the Roomba has finally, after five years of faithful service, gone to the Gods.
I must admit it is the longest any vacuum has lasted in this house and I have loved that damn thing SO HARD.
I could sit on my fat arse and watch All The Housewives of All of the Places while he wandered around the house vacuuming all of the shit.
Literally in some instances. Jesus, fuck.
Alternatively, I could turn him on as I left the house to drive Boo the four billion miles to school (slight exaggeration) and then when I got home he would have wiggled his sweet little arse back into his charging dock ready for another whizz around the place.
I loved that guy so much.
Of course he decides to cark it just as all the insurances and due AND the car rego and a heap of OMG FUCK bills arrive. *shakes fist at the universe*
But I don’t even care. I will be replacing my friend because he is a necessity. Richard II will be entering the building as soon as I can decide on which model to buy and stop ranting about why the ever loving fuck anyone would want to pay 1500 bucks for a vacuum that they can control with their iPhone*?
You can have your Dyson or your Kirby or whatthehellever you use to prevent getting tetanus from walking barefoot in your own home – as an aside how the fuck do you get these heathens to take their damn shoes off in the motherfucking house OMG? Walking shit from the arsehole of the world into my clean house – but I will take my beloved Richard every damn time, wandering around my house cleaning while I am lazing around? You WANT to be pushing that damn vacuum rather than be watching your nails dry while a ROBOT does it like our childhood dreams? My GOD, people. The future is here and it is FABULOUS.
Anywhoodle. Getting me another Richard ASAP I am counting it as a medical necessity.
Rest in peace Richard, you served us well.
Dressed as Dobby the House Elf for Maddies Harry Potter 21st. He was the Belle of the Ball!
Do you have a robot vacuum?
An appliance that you cannot live without?
Do you name yours too?
*I totes want that one. Obviously. For no other reason than OMG MY VACUUM HAS AN APP!