I am not a patient person.
I love me some delayed gratification. That, my friends, is AWESOME.
ANTICIPATION is delicious and delightful and delectable and lots of D words that conjure up tables groaning with sweets and cakes and OMG I really need to eat something, obvs.
Jesus. I am not in the delayed gratification station of waiting right now. I am in the dank dark grey holding area of the precipice of hell.
In front of me is a door to continue just as everything is now, another where everything goes to shit and I don’t know when one of them will fly open and I will be dragged through it.
Kicking and screaming?
Dragging my feet?
Dancing and twirling in pretty shoes?
With steely resolve and clutching a notebook full of plans and decisions and WE GOT THIS determination?
Right now all I know is I am waiting. And I hate this kind of waiting.
It makes me grind my teeth into powder as I sleep, forget what I am doing while I am doing it and spend hours thinking thinks that shouldn’t be thunk.
All my shit has been put on hold, again, my calendar is filling up with words I have never heard before and I am googling shit like a motherfucker and schools are starting back soon. New teachers/ co-ordinators/case managers to boot.
Layer upon layer.
And I need to hurry up and wait.
I am not very good at this. Not very good at all.
Waiting does my head in.