So on Saturday I was lounging on the couch doing some much needed retail therapy and trying to avoid the news and social media for a few minutes because MY GOD THE WORLD, and thought I might get my Christmas shopping started.
First world selfish bleeding arse problems I KNOW.
I called out to Boo to get his letter to Santa started because this child always has some random fucking crazy shit that is IMPOSSIBLE to find that he has to have or he will set himself on fire or just be rather fucking annoyed at the Fat Man who in my opinion does a fine job of shlepping his arse around the world in an antiquated vehicle in amazing time.
At least he didn’t ask for the entire population of Japan. Again.
Within minutes Boo had his list ready and wanted me to get it to Santa toot sweet, and to please not tell him about how messy his room is or about the swearing incident last week.
Or today. Dunno where he gets that fucking swearing from.
I managed to laugh the other half of my arse off for the rest of afternoon.
Poor kid was all ‘Why are you laughing at me Mum?’
And I was all, in between gasps of air from the laughing and the pain from laughing now that I have no arse left, ‘I am not laughing at you my love, I am laughing because it is the most random most awesome Christmas list ever and it makes me happy’.
My Little Pony figures. (surprisingly fucking expensive and elusive.)
Vidalia Slice It. (a kitchen appliance as seen on TV in 2008 … yeah, apparently Santa got it OH SO FUCKING WRONG LAST YEAR and got him the motherfucking Slice WIZARD which he promptly threw on the floor… even though Billy Mays SO DID A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THAT ONE TOO OMG!)
oh so random…
Just like my boy.
Every. Fucking. Year. Boo.
Every motherfucking year.
You are trying to send Santa to an early Christmassy decorated grave.
What is the weirdest thing someone has asked for Christmas in your family?
Anyone in your family a Bronie?
What are you buying me?