Seriously biatches it was SO FUCKING GOOD I can’t even put it into words.
The ‘holiday’ that I have been banging on about for YEARS finally happened.
I have been so chill afterwards it is weirding me out.
Alas my body is all ‘fuck this shit’ and has gone into full shut down, and I cannot blame the bitch because I was NOT KIND.
MPS had his Fit Bit on and I do like 2 steps to his huge fucking leap Neanderthal lunges and on one day we did like 15000 steps just to go and get some motherfucking hot chocolate.
THANKS MELBOURNE TRAMS for going on strike on THAT day.
The first day was pretty much a bust with the whole nausea from travelling thing and me having a little temperature related breakdown in the middle of Pottery Barn where I had to find some where to sit down, remove half my clothes AND MY BOOTS and down an ice cold slushy before I passed out.
But then we got to the Rialto and I was all swoon…
Junior suite biatches. YES!
Outside the window. THE FUCK?
Latte and spa menu. HELL YEAH…
But I ended up chickening out. People touching me and shit.
One day… so I had a bath…
We ended up staying in and ordering room service and I stuck with the safety of a few fries (and not the lobster thermidor that I was drooling over on the menu) and aioli and those teeny tiny cups that had the MOST DELICIOUS passionfruit creme brûlée and we called it a night.
Motherfucking insomnia decided on perusing the room from 3am until the construction started outside the window at 7am.
MPS rang the lovely concierge who promised to move us to another room while we were out for the day.
Because of the motherfucking TRAM STRIKE, we decided against walking to the David Bowie Exhibition and settled on going to Gold Class to see ‘Trainwreck’.
I shall never go to the movies again unless it is fucking Gold Class.
I AM RUINED. RUINED I SAY.
So good. As was my milkshake.
MPS was pretty fucking smitten with his baby back ribs by the noises he was making. And with the milkshake that we were ‘sharing’.
Then we walked around the city for a little while.
Got hot chocolates.
WENT BACK TO THE HOTEL AND HAD LOBSTER THERMIDOR OMG IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS.
(seriously you guys have no idea how hard it is when you can’t fucking eat and then when you just go ‘fuck it’ and eat something that you know you shouldn’t and it is THE BEST THING TO GO IN YOUR MOUTH EVER. I had like 4 mouthfuls… but man… every fucking mouthful was blissful. I would have paid $100. Jesus FUCK it was amazing.)
And also there was this amazing cauliflower in blue cheese sauce and wagu beef and I literally passed out sitting up after I ate. I shit you not.
The next morning we went to the Museum and I lost my mind.
Literally, my mind was blown by the enormity of the dinosaurs. I spent the entire time walking around tripping over my own fucking jaw.
Amazing shit. Really.
And then I saw the most terrifying thing EVER.
Spider of the motherfucking sea.
Look at that EYE. JUST LOOK AT IT. Fucking thing has terrified me since those long haired hooligans sang about it living in a fucking GARDEN in the sea.
Fucker ruined my entire day.
So I had to go and get nachos. Obvs.
(because BIZARRELY I can eat corn chips… da fuck? Not complaining, fucking LOVE nachos!)
And then donut payment for The Boy and The Babysitter.
And made it home to a happy boy and a fairly happy MOTY and THEN 3 hours of respite the next day where we were all ‘what the fuck are we going to do cause we have had all this TIME already!’
It was pretty damn awesome just hanging out like you normals do.
I don’t know how you do it.
P.S. The bliss buzz still hasn’t worn off and it has been days! HUZZAH!