I have eight posts in draft right now.
Well actually there are 297, true story, but eight that I have started and given up on in the last week or so.
I just can’t seem to get the flow going.
Normally I just sit down, and vomit out what is in my head while I watch some mindless reality tv.
But lately I can’t string a sentence together. See above. I wrote that shit out 3 times and it still doesn’t make sense.
I could blame Karl. That fucker probably has a lot to do with it.
Malnutrition can fuck with a bitch.
But part of me just wonders how many different ways is there to say ‘wow this sucks’ without people just rolling their eyes at you? I have got to the point in real life where I have just given up talking about it, pretending it doesn’t matter or minimising it all because who wants to be that person? The one that everyone avoids cause they talk about their pain and sickness and WOE IS ME incessantly.
So I tried to write some lighthearted posts and meh.
And even I haven’t got the energy for a whiney one.
So the cursor blinks at me and I watch some more Million Dollar Listing New York or Secrets and Wives or Real Housewives of All The Places and Orange Is The New Black or anything else to just escape my brain and the fact that I am spending my life in bed and I know, I know, I FUCKING KNOW, I should be thankful that I have these shows to watch and a comfortable bed and whatever that is wrong with me is making me lose weight while lounge around watching TV all day… and whoops, there I go again with the whining.
See? That person.
I could blog about schools and about how the bus driver told Boo to shut up and THAT IS SO NOT FUCKING OK and a teacher at the mainstream school basically told me they gossip behind my back but apparently thats ok because they realise now that I am probably not to blame for Boo’s school issues, but there I go again with the whining and Jesus fuck is this going to become draft post number nine?
I think my biggest problem right now is I can’t clean. Or eat my feelings. Or smoke. Or write. Or move from the motherfucking couch. Or any fucking thing… all my usual crutches or ways of coping with lifes stressors are not available to me so I am at a loss and I don’t know what the fuck to do and my brain is screaming at me to DO SOMETHING, anything to get away from itself.
And I can’t find sweet potato fries anyfuckingwhere and they are like one of the three solid foods I can fucking eat. Fuck it all to hell.
How do you get away from your own thoughts? I swear to Gah I am close to opening a vein…
Do you know where I can find sweet potato fries and if not, do you have a good recipe and will you come and make me some?
Are you watching Million Dollar Listing and OMG HOW DO PEOPLE AFFORD TO LIVE IN THESE PLACES?