I love making birthday cakes.
Ever since MOTY discovered I could wield a spatula
and she could take the credit I have been making birthday cakes for people.
My first birthday cake was for a neighbours kids 5th birthday, it was a train from the Womens Weekly Cookbook and I was so fucking proud of myself I could spit.
I was eight.
MOTY probably has a picture of me somewhere, but I bet the picture doesn’t do it justice.
I can still FEEL the pride I felt placing those smarties just SO on those jelly rolls covered in green icing.
And the Mint Slice wheels… so cool.
SO FUCKING PROUD.
(here’s an Aussie, Amanda at Cooker and a Looker who made one recently. Looks awesome!)
Since then I graduated to cake mixes, and then cakes from scratch, and then I had children with actual opinions and requests and the cakes got more and more elaborate.
Where I bring you…
The cake of disappointment.
Boo’s birthday cake.
He could have anything his heart desired.
A triple decker Scooby Sandwich, a Mandrake, something from XKCD, a motherfucking Dr Seuss Green Eggs and Ham cake made entirely gluten/egg/dairy/preservative/salicilate and COLOUR FREE* any fucking thing at ALL…
Bastard wanted this.
A white chocolate mud cake from Woolworths.
I was so fucking disappointed I couldn’t even bring myself to take the paper off the bottom. Or hold the phone still enough to focus the camera.
He wouldn’t even let me light the motherfucking CANDLES.
The things we do to make these parasites happy.
P.S. That movement in the background is him FLAPPING WITH EXCITEMENT. Ungrateful bastard child.
*I should patent that shit, it was a motherfucking engineering masterpiece. COLOURFREE. GREEN eggs. HAM. PINK HAM. Fuck, I am a GOD.