If all else fails eat a TimTam – or in most cases a packet.
It’s my motto in life, and it works.
I am, right now, finishing off a packet of TimTams.
I’m also trying to hold off stabbing myself in the eye with a fork. Or ‘accidently’ chopping off the tips of my fingers with my rotary cutter to avoid the night ahead of me…
It’s Book Week here in the great vast state of New South Wales. A week where parents everywhere are hounded every freakin day to buy a book off their kids “wish list”.
I prepared myself to break it to the kids early on that there would be no books bought this year. That all went well. I bribed them with swimming lessons instead. I thought I had the whole costume bit sorted out too. The smallest Ogre Boy would go as a Pirate, and the smallest Ogre Girl would go as a Princess or Mermaid. We had them costumes already…
Yeah nar. I was too cocky and have been hit with the smallest Ogre Girl changing her mind, and wanting to go as Alice in Wonderland. Or Miss Honey out of Matilda. But Alice in Wonderland first. I’ve said lots of words like shit crap fuck this week. More than once, but less than a hundred times. But I could possibly have come close.
So I did what all good Mums do that can’t find a freakin blue dress anywhere in any shop… I googled how to make one.
Even though I haven’t made one piece of clothing in my life. Ever.
I have committed myself to making this fucking dress. I don’t know who I am kidding. Seriously what the fuck was I thinking when I said I could do this?
Clearly not how stabbing myself in the eye with a fork or chopping my fingers off with a rotary cutter would be a better alternative.
To top it off, the parade is tomorrow. I figured with a whole day of nothing on, apart from afternoon swimming lessons, I could get this shit done. I would be the most awesome Mother in the world, and the Ogre kids would be as happy as fly’s on shit.
No, wrong. Should have known. The day has been taken up by everything but starting on the fucking dress.
So while you are snoozing in the great land of nu-nu tonight, I will be using more words like shit crap fuck – but with more character – while I put on my I’ve got this shit sorted boots and make my little Ogre Girl look like Alice in fucking Wonderland.
And she will look like Alice, even if I have to end up taping the material to her!
And I will be the most awesome Mother on this freakin planet.
Miss Cinders blogs at Saturday Morning Ogre Mum. She’s Mum to five feral kids, owner of M the Cat – aka: the cat on crack . Who believes ice-cream is a girls best friend. Pyjama’s should be accepted as day wear. Laughter is the best medicine. And if all else fails, eat a TimTam. Creator of the Lose Your Shit Friday meme