I feel the tightness in my chest.
My breath catches in my throat.
I am making that gasping noise again
even when sitting still.
I feel desperately hot
I walk and walk and walk until I can justify the gasping
And tell myself the endorphins I am producing will douse the panic.
I try not to worry
Regardless, I feel that warmth spread across my body
Snaking its way around and squeezing until I am bug eyed and gasping for breath again.
I thought it was gone.
But worry and uncertainty and waiting for decisions to be made have become a gilt edged invitation for it to return.
Familiar like an old friend.
Hello old friend.
You may fuck the fuck off now thanks.