This time last year I lost my mind.
I was laying in a fancy hotel room on our annual weekend away to catch up on a years worth of sleep (as an aside, now even THAT has been taken away from us. YAY CUTBACKS!) when something came on the TV that snapped my brain in half.
It is irrelevant what the actual thing was as it is too long and messy and then I shall have to speak of things that I cannot speak of, but it was unexpected and a violent crack of my psyche that even now I am still trying to repair.
In that moment I was transported back to that week, that horrific week where everything changed and we descended into the horror of The Big Bad Thing and I was transformed into a broken and forever bleeding shell that is patched up with bandaids and hugs and hot salty fries.
We are about to go away again. Only one night, funded by us in the aftermath of redundancy and extended leave without pay, to go to our not legally but for ease of explainations sake adoptive daughters 21st birthday party.
And of course, that thing that had me transfixed and broken while brain cells liquified and dark thoughts took over in a fancy hotel room with 24 hour room service and extra soft pillows is a news story again.
Where so. much. more. has happened but the events of that week, and all the weeks afterwards, still are foremost in my mind.
I will not allow this to take me.
I have been fighting it off for so long I don’t know what else to do but stand here, sword in hand, blunt from years of slaying.
I am determined that I am strong enough – or stupid enough – to enjoy this weekend and have a fucktonne of fun.
And pretend to be a normal person for a while.