My friend passed away.
We knew it was coming but nothing ever prepares you for that.
And then, when your friend is a blogger, you have a forever reminder in her words.
But then, sometimes this is not a comfort.
Some things, words, you don’t need to be reminded of.
I was confused of why she said clean lines and then talked of reoccurrence because I was celebrating thinking it was over.
Because I am a fuckwit and know nothing of these things.
And, as was her way, she took the time to explain it and then post it on her blog to explain to others.
And that is wonderful.
However her words haunt me.
She talks of remission and reoccurrence and her plans.
I am determined to make it 20 years, with this new crop of survivors who had 6 months of chemo before the double mastectomy, and to increase my odds with exercise, diet, and daily tamoxifen.
But if I make it less than five, the baby will not even be in school yet, my oldest will still be too young, my husband a widower at not yet 40, and everything falls apart.
I can’t read it without my breath catching, my mind racing and my heart breaking.
Less than four.
You were an amazing wonderful person Susan and I will never ever forget you.
Thank you for being my friend.