Throughout my life I have gone on benders.
Of the food kind.
Benders that sometimes could be described as a tad obsessive.
OMG months of eating them every day. The same way. Chocolate first, suck off the filling and then crunch on the wafer.
Now just the smell makes me ill.
Various chocolate bars, potato chips, fruits, vegetables, date porridge, entire cuisines (I am pretty sure there were months where we only ate Indian food or Mexican food) it was all I wanted to eat.
For a time.
And then, meh.
But there is one food – and some would argue that I am using the term loosely – that I cannot live without.
Shut your whore mouth.
I AM NOT LISTENING LALALALALALALALA
I am like an addict for the hot crispy fries.
A Quarter Pounder – or a Royale with cheese to quote my beloved Vincent – is probably the only ‘red meat’ that I eat in a week.
If you don’t count bacon and salami.
At least once a week, and probably more if it is a particularly hard week or PCOS is kicking my arse or I am ovulating or if my last post got less comments than the one before or if Boo was up all night or if I was sad or happy or felt an emotion or a day ending in y I WANT ME SOME SALTY MCFRIES DAMMIT!
And I never ever tire of them.
No other junk food has had me in its spell for so long.
I remember even as a teen wondering why I would walk miles to get to Maccas to get my fix but not go to the local fish and chip shop or Hungry Jacks that was closer.
It HAD to be Ronalds Crack and nothing else.
And what the fuck is it when I have eaten basically 2 days worth of calories I am still looking for something sweet afterwards.
And thinking about the next time I can get a hit?
What are you putting in that ‘salt and pepper and nothing else’ on my hamburger patty Mr McDonald?
What are my fries laced with that makes me hide the scales for fear of what they will say after a Mmmmm mmmm mmmm MacTime that has lasted a week?
Why can’t I quit you oh greasy love of my life?
You know, while I have been crafting this masterpiece of Blogging splendor, MPS is out getting me some Chicken McBites, a Quarter Pounder AND salty fries.
With a diet coke to wash it down.
Shut your whore mouth, it has been a hard day and I need it.
My name is Kelley and I am an addict.
Excuse me, I don’t want to get my keyboard greasy.