No, this is not what you think it is going to be.
Yes I swear on my blog. That is what keeps you coming back.
You love it.
You know it.
But in real life I don’t swear half as much as I do here…
OK, maybe three quarters.
This is about Boo.
My boy hates swearing.
As those of you that have been stalking me long enough know, Boo is currently going to a specialist disability school one day a week as a trial.
A school full of kids with all sorts of disabilities and emotional ‘disorders’.
Needless to say, in a school that caters for children AND adults there is a lot of swearing going on.
And Boo has designated himself policeman.
As those with Autism tend to do.
So now, because 15 and 16 year olds with emotional disturbances and impulse control issues take umbrage to a twelve year old man child telling them not to swear, Boo has to be kept inside at recess and lunchtime for his own protection.
My sheltered enormous toddler, whose idea of violence is wrestle on the floor, has been threatened by these boys.
To his face.
As in ‘I will fucking punch your face in’
Which starts Boo off all over again.
I try to explain to him that it is not his job to tell these kids not to swear.
I try to explain to him that being punched in the face HURTS.
But he just has no concept.
Cannot comprehend WHY he can’t tell them to stop doing the wrong thing.
Because it is the RULES.
I remind him about when he broke his arm.
When he ran face first into that wall last year.
And how much that HURT.
‘Being punched in the face hurts like that, Boo. You don’t want him to punch you in the face’
‘Nah!’ he grins at me ‘It doesn’t hurt like that’
And because he just doesn’t get the concept, he is in danger of being removed from the specialist school.
For his own protection.
And because he is too disabled and too smart.
And because the principal has never met a child like Boo before.
And this is just the icing on the toppling cake.
My boy, my dodecahedron boy.
And too motherfucking moral.
Alanis Morissete could get some irony lessons from my life.