I am a tad nervous about going back to work tomorrow.
When ‘tad nervous’ equals I can feel my sphincter tightening when I think about it.
All of them.
Yes, there are more than THAT one.
I am like all educational and shit. I know. Fucking awesome.
So in preparation of going back to work I did a MASSIVE shoe cull.
And this is what is left…
As you do.
And now I know which pair of shoes I will wear which day for the next 3 months.
I need me some control as I have NO IDEA how people are going to react when I walk into the office tomorrow wearing these
OMG I CAN’T DECIDE!!!!!!
Because APPARENTLY it was some huge secret of WHY I was away for a month and now everyone is under the impression that I either did something REALLY FUCKING BAD and was relieved of my duties for a month while the feds investigated me or spent the last month sunning in Bali.
Explains why I didn’t get no motherfucking fruit basket though.
So, dear readers do I:
Walk in like nothing has happened.
Walk in wearing a shirt that says ‘I had a stroke now fuck off and leave me alone’
Just not turn up.
Cover myself in fake tan and wear a bikini and a flower in my hair (please note I will have to rethink the footwear)
Get in early, send an all staff email about what happened and then go and re-acquaint myself with the coffee machine.
Say nothing and just spend the day fucking around on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and Google+ only looking up to glare at people manically or swallow copious amounts of tic tacs from a huge jar.
Turn up drunk.
Hmmmm decisions. What say you?