It is Wednesday.
I forgot it is Wednesday.
I didn’t go to work today cause it is my day off so clearly, at some point I knew it was Wednesday, hence the whole being home thing.
But I forgot when it was time to pick up Boo.
And I walked to school to pick him up.
And YOU JUST DON’T WALK ON WEDNESDAYS.
Yeah, I have about as much of an idea WHY as you do.
POINT IS, Wednesday = no walking.
This week anyway.
I greeted him just outside the classroom, a posse of girls already waiting to walk with us because apparently walking home with me and Boo equals awesomeness.
I know, it is so hard being so fabulous and the mother of a kid that exudes awesomeness.
Boo looks at me confused.
‘Are we walking today?’
‘Yeah…’ I reply like ‘well duh’
And All. Hell. Breaks. Loose.
He is screaming.
He is yelling.
He is WAILING!
I try to calm him and admit that I FORGOT it was Wednesday and how about we just pretend it is Tuesday.
He gets in my face and starts screaming in rage at me.
And I walk away.
Boo knows I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.
He tries to get into my face again, face streaked with tears, towering over me as he expresses his displeasure in a volley of screams and wails and flapping arms.
And I turn my back on him.
Parents every where just staring.
Kids look over, see it is Boo that is making all that racket and go on their way (fuck I LOVE THESE KIDS)
I get a few dirty looks.
I shoot a few of my own back.
She don’t like THAT kind of behaviour EITHER MOTHERFUCKERS.
Boo throws himself on the ground screaming about it being Wednesday and HE MUST DRIVE HOME!
I walk back to him and calmly ask him to get up.
He starts screaming and yelling at me again.
And again, I walk away.
Further this time.
A few well intentioned people try to reason with Boo, I try to catch their eye to indicate that they are just making it worse and just leave him the fuck alone for fucks sake.
Eventually they do.
By now we are almost at the school gate.
I leave the school grounds and Boo continues his tirade close enough to ensure that I am in view and ear shot.
Fuck, I am pretty sure that my neighbours 2 kilometres away now know that Boo is pissed about walking home today.
I cross the road.
The wailing stops and his eyes widen.
I can hear the cogs turning in his mind, shit… she means business.
He gets up and someone approaches him and the wailing starts again.
Cars are banked up with parents just staring at this 5ft 8 inch toddler flailing around just inside the school gate.
Those that know us offer friendly smiles and suggestions of wine and margaritas.
Oh HELLZ TO THE YEAH. I just have to get this screaming banshee across 4 busy roads before I can dive headfirst into a vat of margaritas with a valium chaser.
Eventually he crosses the road and traffic starts to move again.
But he is still wailing, that long deep keening you only hear when someone has died.
Or the valium bottle is empty.
‘I will not speak to you until you stop screaming at me’
Cue more screaming so I walk ahead.
He runs after me and snakes his arm in mine.
‘I am sorry Mummy, it is *sob* Wednesday *sob* we will NOT *sob* walk next Wednesday OK?’
Cue more screaming and demands and attempts at getting in my face and me just calmly telling him to stop and walking away.
Eventually around halfway home Boo has stopped screaming and yelling at me, we have made pretty good time with all my walking ahead until he stops screaming at me.
Curiously, people who were out gardening when I passed on the way to school have now gone inside and are hiding behind their curtains.
Oh and there was that cop car that kinda coasted along beside us for half a block.
Hmmm, curious that.
We are home now, Boo sitting back making his latest movie and clicking his fingers while listening to The Black Eyed Peas (old skool BEP pre Fergie – ‘Joints and Jam’ specifically) like nothing happened.
I have postponed the medicinal cocktails just in case Childrens Services turn up at my door.
I am pretty sure they will want me to conduct some training on how to deal with a massive Autism meltdown in public and still be fucking awesome.