It is my first real day home AH-LONE since the madness of school holidays.
Just me and my lover.
Don’t judge me. I love me some Easy Off Bam. I am all ‘BAM! And the dirt is GONE MOTHERFUCKERS!’
I go all fifties housewife at this time off year.
I have corned beef in the crockpot.
Eight billion loads of washing ready to go on the line.
And I am now bleaching the grout of my WHITE tiles that cover 75% of our house.
What stupid fucker thought that WHITE tiles in a FOUR BEDROOM home would be a good idea?
Maybe the same complete utter fucknuckle that thought it a good idea to have the bathroom bigger than the bedrooms and an ensuite shower that is completely unuseable due to the fact that the shower head hits you in the face as you enter and there is no room for a motherfucking DOOR on said ensuite ensuring that when Boo takes his nocturnal dump in our ensuite bathroom- which I suppose is better than the alternative which WAS his bedroom FLOOR – not only do I get to hear it but smell the contents of his large intestine as well.
Anyway. I digress. I blame the fumes.
The house is full of bleach fumes.
And it makes me so damn happy I could spit.
And OMG GUESS WHAT? Apparently I am doing cardio and strengthening and gunna be HARD BODY from this shizzle.
I totally want the leotard.
I can wear my bridesmaid dress! It is the right colour…
Who thought that thing would come in handy…
Today shout out is to all the anonymous biatches that have provided sponsorship for me to attend The ABC, through private means and not the little ticker thingymaboobie over in the sidebar. Take some time for a little golf clap to my awesome peeps that wish to keep their identities a secret cause they are ashamed to be associated with someone who gets excited about bleaching tiles shy.
I will be taking down the ugly ticker sponsorship thingymahboobie sometime this week so I can BOOK MY FLIGHTS AND ACCOMMODATION! OMG SQUEEEEEEEE! If you have donated and not contacted me yet I will just assume that you are part of the group above, mkay?