So it is Saturday. Thank fucking God, cause this week has been so full on you wouldn’t even know, probably because SOMEONE is so freaking brain dead that she THOUGHT she was updating you all about all the DRAMA and EXPENSE and SNOT of the last few days but it turns out that SOMEONE actually only wrote the blog posts in her head and not on the actual, like, BLOG.
Sorry about that.
And then that SOMEONE had a look at the blog and was all FUCK ME DEAD I haven’t updated since TUESDAY?
I totally think that someone needs a kick up the rear, or a belt across the head, or someone to send her boat loads of cash.
So here is my week in a nutshell. Unless you are allergic to nuts and then here is a tissue to wrap it in. Sorry it has been used.
MONDAY: I went to see a shrink. Well, technically, he is just a counsellor. Whatevz. I went to see a dude to pay him cash to act like he is interested in hearing all my shit. We ended up talking about Boo and he used to work with a behaviorist chick and he is going to call her to see if she can help out with Boo. So W00T! And not because I showed him my boobs and then smeared the walls in snot. Seems the guy was really really interested cause I was there for 2 and a half hours instead of just one.
Nothing at all to do with the fact that I stripped naked and told him I was a teapot.
Tuesday: Well you know what happened on Tuesday. Arsehat.
Wednesday: took Moo to get her dress for the school formal. Her final year of school formal. Kinda like a Prom, and we ALL KNOW what happens at Prom thankyouverymuch80’steenflicksOMGIamnotreadytobeagrandparent. She liked 3 dresses. I really liked the aubergine $110 dress. She decided that she really liked the plain black $230 dress. We compromised and she got the $230 dress and I sucked it up and paid for it. That is what compromising with a teenager who has a boyfriend with a CAR and lives in the city looks like, parents of toddlers.
Beware.
Wednesday finished with Boo attacking his teachers. Good times people, good times…
And there was snot. Lots and lots of snot.
Thursday: Something happened on Thursday. I am choosing to believe that I pulled a unicorn from my arse and the crowd cheered. And when I blew my nose it was rainbows and glitter.
Friday: Work and then went to a school performance. Where I watched my daughter do an interpretive play about music and teenagers or something but all I can remember is the simulated sex scene with her best friend and then her friend gave birth. To Moo. Yeah, I am still confused.
Which brings us to Saturday. I got up and sat down and that is about it.
Tonight Boo is throwing a family party. Dubbed ‘The Sleepover Party’ there will be streamers and balloons, fairy cakes and pizza, and we all have to sleep in the loungeroom.
Pray for me.
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
:: prayers ::
I am feeling rather concerned about the fact my two little girls are going to grow into two big girls.
WooT about the behavioural therapy thing, hope it works out and helps.
Seriously, what drugs are you taking. Unicorns, snot and simulated sex. I think I got excited reading that.
anja’s last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday
Jeebus. And here was I thinking you were dead. Welcome back, zombie!
spotrick’s last blog post..Unix sort with tab-delimited fields
I always thought you were a teapot.
Now I’m confused.
Jodieodie’s last blog post..haiku friday bonus
::prayers::
Sounds like there may be some good in there with the therapist and Boo.
As for parents of young girls taking note of teenage girls with boyfriends: LALALALALALALALALALALALALALA I don’t want to knooooooowwww!
Amanda’s last blog post..Stupidy McStupid (rant) or why I bloody well HATE rugby league.
Dude, I totally think that EVERYBODY should see a therapist. They are the bees knees.
Nan’s last blog post..Those Drums!
I think that’s why it’s called interpretive dance…
Sorry about the crappy week.
Veronica’s last blog post..And then, I choked on a hair…
I bet the shrink just LOVED you….
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Pop
Oh, compromising with a teen… yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh…..
Tammy’s last blog post..Drugs Can Hurt You, Man
I have a t-shirt that says “my therapist kicks your therapist’s arse”
It was about 3 sizes too big from all the shrinking I’d had.
I wore it to a session once. Then I had to change it to “my therapist has no fucking sense of humor”
huh.
I would pray for you
but it would probably involve unicorns springing forth from arses
which I figure isn’t really appropriate for a family party with fairy cakes.
Sammi’s last blog post..Have you ever tried talking with your mouth closed?
as long as the damn teletubbies are sleeping outside I think you’ll be ok………..
but you can pray for me……….. there are SIX teen girls at my house tonight and 3 teen boys up the road who think they might like to visit……now where did I leave that damn axe…….
Mistress B’s last blog post..Real Winter
You’ve been putting off that birds & bees talk with Moo, haven’t you? ::snicker:: Perhaps we’ve put it off too. We were at the Royal Easter Show and my elder son says loudly, “I can tell that that one’s a bull! He has a ring through his nose!” But my boy is 8.
Just wanna point out how good it is to only have sons.
::prayers::
Chookie’s last blog post..Rain
Truly amazing. You just can’t make this stuff up,
Good luck with the sleepover, if nothing else it should generate some interesting blog fodder.
Tara R.’s last blog post..PhotoHunt & SOOC #9
I had a rule in my house about formal dresses for my daughters: I would pay for HALF of the cost of it. They had to pay the other half. If they wanted the $500 dress, ok, then I would pay $250. If they wanted the $150 dress, I would pay $75. They usually chose the $150 dress because, hey, they weren’t stupid. Or, they could BORROW A DRESS FROM A FRIEND for free. That one was quite popular. Then all they had to buy was shoes.
Karen’s last blog post..Getting Creative Again
PMSL thanks for the laugh 🙂
Sounds like one very strange performance to me. Yay for the counsellor
Jeanette’s last blog post..Shaelea turns 5
De-Lurking to say that I love your blog (found you through As I Was Saying… and have been enjoying your blog so much that I read your archived posts while waiting until you posted again).
Teenage girls have a motto: Will make you Batshitcrazy, or die trying.
(I have 2 sisters, who are 14 and 16. The 14 year old has a boyfriend who is 18. And it’s giving ME gray hair. Can’t wait to have kids of my own *crazed laugh*).
Veronica’s last blog post..The Benefit of Research…
Did I mention that you made my office. Whenever we mess something up we say outloud, “WELL FUCK ME DEAD.”
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..To Job or Not to Job
P.S. Since I’m the boss, I can allow such langauge, albeit, however even, right on the money.
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..To Job or Not to Job
Have I told you lately how much I love you? No, I haven’t, because I suck. I love you. Thanks for being the only blogger in history that delivers me gut-bursting laughs. You’re a gem. xo
Huckdoll’s last blog post..recipe for the perfect summer evening
I don’t know what happened on Tuesday.
I’m sorry life’s all snotty, lately. You deserve clear, non-flowing mucus. Only the best, for you.
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..On freezing up
Celtic Dingo’s last child psychologist or whatever he was, was Irish WITH AN ACCENT and I was sliding in my seat with the excitment. (you gotta look on the bright side of life, I say!)
Oooo, pulling unicorns out your butt is a line from Supernatural, Jensen “I need a spanking” Ackles says it.
Are you sure the interpretive dance wasn’t Moo coming out of the closet? No worries about Teen pregnancy then…. Just a thought….. bright side of life and all that.
Hugs Kelley, hope the snot dries up soon.
WiddleShamrock’s last blog post..Celtic Dingo Update
Dear God,
Please grant Kelley the serenity and peace of mind to get through this night without any deaths and as little snot as possible.
Please, Lord, in your infinite wisdom, keep Kelley from the horrible, catastrophic reality-defying pain that IS a sinus infection. Yea Lord, protect her from this evil.
Lord, also we ask you this day to deliver Moo home safely in the same immaculate condition she left in. (Yet, let her have fun… safe, safe, fun.)
We ask this in Jesus name.
Amen
Krissa’s last blog post..Overdue yet, done.
“kick up the rear; belt across the head; boatloads of cash;”
I vote for boatloads of cash, it will come in so handy for bribing the wardens (to bring you chocolate and coffee) of the padded cell they put you in because you played naked teapots with the counsellor. What do you mean he didn’t play? Wasn’t it his idea?
Much praying is being done for you here. Enjoy the sleepover.
I don’t know how you survived the snot storm- I would have curled up in a ball and allowed the kids to burn the house down around my ears!
Good that the pseudo-shrink knows where you can get some help with Boo- get the little stinker out of nappies and onto the loo! I could help if I was there, but I ain’t- and remember- it’s not cruel- it works! All the current shit is cruel to YOU! If Boo can translate Hebrew he can use the loo. Fullstop. They’ll make it important enough for him to WANT to learn!
Kay/Grumba/Murf’s last blog post..Learning haiku rules
surely Moo isn’t saving herself for Prom night? I’m sure that cork has popped baby – some time back.
relax.
Jodieodie’s last blog post..haiku friday bonus
Y’know, if you take those cold and flu tabs that make you all sleepy it’s better than sex and the kids have to help around the house in case you paint the Prom dress in fluro pink nail polish…..
It’s the threat that counts 😉
(((hugs))) Hope the snot and crap dries up soon.
Jayne’s last blog post..Regurgitations from my brain #358
I am just frickin excited that you are really back writing your blog….I don’t care if you only enter a couple times a week…I LOVE having YOU back!
You are such a fine negotiator…I noticed that you didn’t mention the third dress which I assume was out of the ball park, so yes, there was some success there….and look what you did get from that counselor?! (BTW…having a counselor, shrink, whateveh does really help…sometimes just to spew everything on someone you know can be totally objective)….
And you SO don’t need to relive your past in Moo cause you have been such an awesome mum and made sure that things were way cool!
Waiting for the next entry!!!!
Life is pretty snot-happenin’ for me the last couple of days too… hope you feel better soon.
I think you look sexy in the pig flu kinda way… the Lightning Mcqueen outfit woulda thrown me over the edge 😉
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Weekly Winners – While mama’s away…
This post was full of awesome. It is everything I love about you, Kelley!
Kel’s last blog post..Quick update
You better hang in there, woman. I ain’t flyin’ all the fuckin’ way to Australia for a funeral. A little rubbin’ .. maybe .. but no funerals.
Boo is throwing a party? Go Boo!
magpie’s last blog post..When the Words Come Alive
That is all very scary the growing up stuff. I really hope that the counsellor dude helps. Also hope that you get less snotty soon.
xx
Ali’s last blog post..Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!
no wonder you ask for prayers…a sleepover in the loungeroom when there are perfectly good beds in bedrooms where you might actually get some peace…well five minutes peace anyway
Was this a bribe by boo or maybe a reward for something? If so when do you get your reward? I guess you would take the snot drying up at this stage.
Have you considered taking something like Sudafed…cause it actually works. Can’t believe I put up with with sinus infections over the years before my GP said the magic word Sudafed.
Hope Sunday and today are better for you!
magikquilter’s last blog post..As Promised…Squint
ooh kelley just remembered my Sentinel Headache and your stroke…can’t take Sudafed if you have high blood pressure
magikquilter’s last blog post..As Promised…Squint
I am so glad that my child is a boy and I do not have to worry about prom dresses. Condoms in the pocket and off he goes! *Oh dear Lord help me.*