Today’s guest biatch is my lovely Maggie, from the awesomely titled Okay, Fine, Dammit! (and the amazingly powerful and necessary ViolenceUnSilenced.com.) I kinda feel guilty posting this cause it makes this awesomely humble girl a little embarrassed. Cause my GOD it made me blush that someone as wonderful as my girl Maggie could think of me so highly. Or could be blowing smoke up my arse. To which I say, ‘blow baby blow’ cause this made me cry and float to the ceiling at the same time.
Kelley’s heart is like one of those sleeping bags that you can’t stuff back into its sack, and you shove and shove and shove but it just keeps pillowing and mushrooming out the sides until you’re slick with sweat and slidy cold nylon and you just decide fuck it, let’s spoon. I don’t know how she does it, this day-to-day resilience in the face of copious piles of adversity but I imagine it has quite a bit to do with that squishy, oversized ticker of hers. I’m also amazed at how she’s always cracking funny, even when she’s shit on, quite literally, again and again. I admire people like that. That’s why I said yes to this guest post.
See, I don’t do guest posts. I did one once before, maybe a year ago, and I was so riddled with anxiety beforehand that I made myself donkeyshitcrazy researching this particular blogger’s archives, trying to match my voice to hers, trying not to disappoint her readers and start some sort of cyber-riot, and then luckily my brother tried to kill himself so it ended up that I had all kinds of blog fodder that I couldn’t speak of on my own blog and so I very selfishly used her space to do that and it was awesome but it was kind of a one-time deal, you know? And then I was exhausted. Flat out exhausted. And I’ve flaked out on every single request to do a guest post since. And in some sort of guilty quid pro quo, I never ask anyone to guest post on my blog, either, which means sometimes I go weeks between posts until someone calls the police because they’re afraid if they come to my house they will find nothing but a putrified decaying puddle of flesh and bits and bones beneath my wine-stained white Macbook and so I hurry up and post something and everybody who’s still reading breathes a huge sigh of relief, or maybe they were just already breathing, I don’t know. (Which reminds me to tell you, my brother is not dead he’s completely fine, thank you. But enough about him.)
I couldn’t say no to Kelley. She asked me weeks ago to write this post and I procrastinated until today but in the end I couldn’t say no, because I love her and because my own heart is just aching for her right now, despite her funny, cheer-addled posts. So here I am, with a guest post.
About nothing, apparently.
(Except Kelley’s big squishy gargantuon heart, and I know you all know what I mean. I’m thinking about you, Kel. All the time.)