Oooh, today my guest biatch is Stimey. Stimey and I go waaaaaay back. And she is teh awesome. 😉
Hi everyone! I’m Stimey, from, well, from Stimeyland. I was super delighted when Kelley asked me to write a post for her, because she’s Kelley, you know, and she’s the awesome. And then I got all freaked out because I’ve never in my life used the word “biatch” and I spell “the awesome” the conventional way instead of the cool-kid way of “teh awesome.” Plus I don’t drink coffee, I don’t like coffee, and my feet start to hurt real bad if I wear sexy Kelley-style heels for more than an hour.
But I do like chocolate.
And I like Kelley a lot.
But guest posting? Yikes. Because no one looks at me askance if I write crazy things on my blog, my readers being used to it, but you might look at me that way here, because you don’t know me as the perfectly acceptable human being that I am. Fortunately, I’m guessing that Kelley’s audience is forgiving as well, because, um, she puts a Christmas tree in her bathroom, so I think the tolerance for the crazy is high over here too.
But what to write? Hmmmm. I could tell you about me and my blog. Do you want my elevator pitch? I came up with this while literally waiting for an elevator when I’d just arrived at BlogHer last year and was sweaty and flustered and unprepared, and some PR guy asked me what my blog was about and I was all, “Um, it’s about me and my family. And autism. And I’m funny, and autism is funny sometimes. Ha, ha, ha, ha!”
And then I nervous laughed for a long time and went to sit in my room where I thought up a better pitch. Obviously I’ve since forgotten what it was.
I could tell you how I will go to almost any lengths to avoid touching water with my hands because of my bizarre sensory issues. I could tell you how I’m afraid of being near worms because I have this irrational fear that someone will pick one up and throw it at me. Or I could tell you that no matter how cute you dress them up, no one will let you stuff three kids into a grocery cart and “return” it to the store.
I could tell you all that, but then I might come across as kind of a crazy lady. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of how my family and friends seem to look at me. Maybe that should be my elevator pitch.
As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with a friend of mine and I was asking her what I should write about and she said, “Well maybe you should write about cat barf. Oh. Wait. You already did.” And she’s right. I did.
And then I wondered about how things changed from me writing a perfectly respectable blog about my three little dudes and how they’re growing up and how I’m learning about my son’s autism to me writing a blog on which my most commented on post was about whether cats have arms. (They don’t, by the way.)
Like, really. How does that happen? When did my blog turn into Quirky Animal Stories Weekly?
It started innocently enough. I brought a gerbil home from school for the weekend and I started pet sitting gerbils for a friend, and before you know it, I’m the top Google search result for Gerbil Deathwatch Hot Potato.
And then one learning opportunity goes awry and I end up spending an entire summer writing about how I’m engaged in the slow poisoning of an ant farm. Throw in a kid interested in setting pandas on fire, twitter followers willing to do research on cat elbows, and a kid who wore a stuffed duck head atop of his own for nearly a year, and there you have it.
I’m not sure what my point was, but look! I’ve written a stream of words that is long enough to be a post. It’s like it practically wrote itself. And now Kelley’s blog is home to Quirky Animal Story Synopsis.