I know you have been waiting for the next thrilling instalment of ‘when my head imploded and gave me free reign to go and buy purdy jewellery and dammit if my card didn’t have a daily limit I would have totally bought that overpriced coffee table without fear of repercussions cause I had a stroke dammit!’ but you will still have to wait. Because I still haven’t written it I need to go and pick up the MRI films from the hospital so you can peer inside my BRAIN. MY BRAIN! You don’t get that kinda awesome at no other blog biatches….
So you have been patiently waiting. I have been patiently not doing anything about it. Then I got the call. From the ultimate Mommy Blogger who had teamed up with another ultimate Mommy Blogger who teamed up with some dude to do a thing.
Perhaps I should let Tanis explain it:
So when my friend Catherine asked commanded me to participate in her newest bloggy venture, it wasn’t hard to say yes. She and her friend David came up with an idea to travel around the world via blog. “Like Around the World in 80 days,” he said, “but on the internet. Around the world in 80 clicks. 80 mom-blogger clicks!”
And Catherine wants us to share 5 things we love about being a Mom. Or in my case Muuuuuuuum *insert roll eyes*
This week is probably not the best time to be hitting me with sharing the Mummy Love. Cause while Mummy loves her babies and thinks that the sun shines out of their collective posteriors, Mummy is kinda a little just a teeny weeny bit pissed off at the fruit of her loins.
Which I suppose is rather amusing to onlookers cause Mummy is almost a foot shorter than two of her babies and has to do the ‘don’t even THINK ABOUT IT’ look while standing on a box.
Teenagers. Natures way of cutting the apron strings.
With a machete.
So those of you that are new around these parts, and those playing along at home, a little background on my parenting cred. A couple of weeks ago I turned 37. My eldest child turns 18 in October. Do the math. Yeah. I was just like Juno but waaaaaaaay cuter and my boyfriend was 10 years older.
And that boyfriend is now in the kitchen making me a sandwich. A fried peanut butter sandwich.
Thankyouverymuch… ahuh ahuh.
Moo was followed quickly by Too and then after a period of false starts Boo was born the day before Moo turned 7. At 2 Boo was dx with moderate to severe Autism and now is pretty much a really freaking TALL 3 year old.
So, again, the math you do it, and realise that I have got it all covered baby. Seventeen and Fifteen year old Damn Emos and a 10 year old 3 year old.
Makes sense in my head.
So five things eh? OK. Five things that have made me all ‘I feel so sorry for those skinny perky boobed, never known the horror astonishment of how far a nipple can stretch before tearing in two, bitches sitting in their tidy homes sipping on wine during the evening news. They totally don’t know what they are missing’ while I am scraping faecal murals off the wall and emptying my purse of all cash.
Five reasons I love being a mother.
How can I choose? Every morning I wake up with the birds singing and I punch MPS the air and say ‘Oh GOD NO! Boo only just went to sleep like 10minutes ago!’ ‘being a mother ROCKS’ and my angel children will not get out of bed/the bathroom/MY FACE ALREADY! make their beds before coming into my room to say grunt SING me good morning while bitching and moaning about something but I cannot hear them over the music and the mumbling, so it could have been ‘why did you have to procreate’ which is more than likely come to think of it bringing me breakfast in bed and smothering me in kisses after a foot rub.
And no one EVER has morning breath or needs a note signed for school or run out of socks.
And having kids is so awesome when it comes to the household chores! My children pretend they have gone deaf understand that housework is their mothers job needs to be divided equally between mum doing their bidding and working family members and do it on threat of mum blogging about them happily help out after only being reminded four hundred times and the washing has been rewashed AGAIN cause it went DRY waiting to go on the line once.
And lets not forget how they keep you young. As in you can:
- hear a plot to do something not allowed/illegal/steal mums chocolate through solid brick walls and use your mad Ninja skillz to move the chocolate before they have a chance to finish the thought.
- read minds and give the patented death glare that universally means ‘do it and die’ from across a room (I mean for fucks sake, do these kids actually think they have EVER had an original thought? I was doing that shit at their age and their Great Grandmother probably was too. My Nanna that is. She rocked. My Grandmother was wonderful but was probably perfecting her sponge recipe for the local fair)
- run across a 4 lane highway in 5 inch heels cause you just turned your back for a goddamn second to lock the freaking car and he sped across the road and started scaling that wall… Officer.
- multitask and be able to do complex calculations in your head while dressing a squirming 10 year old 3 year old while checking your mental google calendar and writing a blog post about how you want to run away to some deserted island with a masseuse named Sven menu planning delicious nutritious meals.
And then there is the time you look in the school window and catch your sons eye and his face lights up and your heart catches in your chest and you smile back and he is so happy to see you.
And when you are sitting at the dining table and you are all laughing so hard that someone shoots a pea out their nose and that just makes you laugh all the more harder.
Or you are sitting around watching TV and share a tear filled smile at the sad bits.
Or when you are sitting on a hospital gurney, not knowing what is going to happen. And your only thought is who is going to care for your children. And wanting to see their faces. And hold them tight. And you have no fear for yourself it is all about making sure that they are OK.
Being a mother sucks. And is awesome. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Well, maybe a little worshipping would be nice. You know, every once and a while…
So I thought long and hard about who I was going to tag with this. My first thought was Jenny, cause I know she can’t read my blog cause it is blocked at her work and it will drive her mad. And then I started fretting about who to tag and then people will be all ‘OMG why didn’t she tag me and THIS IS WHY I DON’T DO MEMES *breathe Kelley breathe* so I decided to cheat and tag two people by name and then all of you.
Cause I am a rebel. Not because I didn’t like ask them if they wanted to do it or anything… *gulp*
So I formally tag my two first international loves Ree the Hotfessional (cause she is a step mum AND a mum of a teen) and Robin of Around the Island in Israel (cause how freaking AWESOME is it that I know someone in ISRAEL? And she can totally explain all the weird shit that my French Israeli son with an American Accent comes up with.) You girls need to write about what you love about being a mum/mom and then tag someone from another country to do the whole ‘around the world in 80 clicks’ thang. Clear as mud?
And then I tag all of you. If you want to. No pressure or anything cause I know some of you are not Moms or Mums or own a vagina even on the holidays. You can respond here in the comments or on your own blog. Just remember to link back here and at Catherine’s place Her Bad Mother so we can track this shizzle.