I am so tired.
Bone tired.
Every inch of my body is heavy.
People call or drop in and I am all sweetness and light (shut up. I am.) and then I crash in a heap when I am alone.
I am so tired.
So many things going on. So many things to cope with on top of the last week, that seems like a dream. Some I will share with you all, my friends, some I will hold close to my chest and get something in my eye when I think no one is looking.
So tired.
I know you come here looking for the silly, the pissed off, the awesomicity.
I just don’t have it right now. But I feel like I owe you all an explaination. Because you are my friends. Because I love and appreciate every single one of you. Even the haters, especially the haters cause you make me feel even more awesome.
So tired.
I am lurking on your blogs. I want to comment (and sometimes think I have and then find I haven’t. WTF?) but I am
just.
so.
tired.
Apparently my brain is healing itself. I think the enormity of it all has just hit me.
I cannot put that into words.
So instead of trying to install a plugin widget poll thingy I ask you to tell me:
Do you:
(a) want to hear all about my ‘incident’ and then the minutiae of my hospital stay?
(b) want me to get over myself already and start being just fucking awesome again?
(c) want a summary of the whole week in one long arsed post?
(d) wonder how the fuck you got here and who is this freaking whiner and can’t get back to Dooce quick enough?
Before I go I just wanna start with the thankyou’s.
First, thanks to Karen from Miscellaneous Mum for these:
Mmmmm, chocolate. Had the whole ward buzzing when it arrived by courier. And what you cannot see in that awesomely composed and cropped pic from my phone (shut the fuck up. I don’t know if you know but I am too freaking tired for all this cropping shit, took me like 5 minutes to remember how to do the linky thing) is the gingerbread flower that I had to hide from the nurses. Ommmm nommm nommm.
(yes that is Charmander behind it. There is a story about that. Of course)
Then, thanks SueBlimely for making this site for me to make me smile. And smile I did (even if there was a tiny little urge to kick a kitten, but I am totally allowed to)
And finally a huge MWAH to my girl Mr Lady from Whiskey in my sippy cup for talking me off a ledge before my MRI and then calling me again when I got home. From Canada. Hearing her adorable Canadian American accent was almost worth destroying part of my brain.
I kid, I kid.
Now answer my questions and let me sleep already, dammit.
{ 79 comments… read them below or add one }
House.
That is all.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Fashionista
Don’t you know you are awesome even when you are tired? I wish I could be just as awesome because I’m pretty wiped out from the meds I’m on at the moment.
I think I need to hear every nitty-gritty detail to scare me into getting and keeping my BP down
Dammit. Now I want chocolate and cookies too 😉 🙂
Karen (Miscellaneous Mum)’s last blog post..Movie Hire Selection for Third Week in March
I choose a). I want to hear all the details. But not just yet. First I want you to take the time you need to recover and get back on top of things. I realise you don’t want to disappoint all of us out here, but think how much harder it would be if you did too much too soon and ended up back in the hospital? Your health and happiness are of absolute importance. Get well, please.
A combo of a and c, but only when you’re feeling up to it sweety. Take care of yourself first – we’ll all still be here when you’re ready to be back.
Also? You are ALWAY awesome. Always!
Marylin’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Me n my boy.
(a) want to hear all about my ‘incident’ and then the minutiae of my hospital stay?
Sleep, rest and when you are feeling up to it, then tell us about it. But only if you want to.
I want you to talk about whatever you want. Whatever will make you feel better or take a load off is what you should write about. And if that means nothing at all until you can get some rest, then so be it. It’s not like I’m leaving just cause your posts haven’t included much cussing lately.
Oh and would you like anything from Belgium? Chocolate maybe? I’ll be in the US in 2 weeks and I can bring something there and get my mom to ship it. She’s a professor, she can afford it. :p
Lilacspecs’s last blog post..You Had to Know This Was Coming
I want to hear whatever you have to share but not until you are rested and feeling a bit better. You have been through a lot and no fucker wants you to risk your recovery for the sake of the interntez. Rest and relax and we will all be here when you are ready.
Mwah.
Ali’s last blog post..Ooh, purdy
I want you to:
E) Give that brain of yours the rest it needs (PLEASE!)
THEN….when fully rested
A)
G
xx
myst’s last blog post..What the devil?
I just want you to feel better already!
Dammit, you are NOT supposed to have to do through all this.
WhyMommy’s last blog post..Binding
I couldn’t give a toss what you write, but I do want to hear you’ve been chalking up a pile of zzzed’s.
Now sleep, or the kitten gets it.
womb for improvement’s last blog post..I Can Run …
a) when you are rested and on the road to recovery. the sooner you are PROPERLY recovered the sooner you can go shoes shopping.. you totally deserve new shoes after the ordeal you’ve had 🙂
confusionsoup’s last blog post..home sweet home part3.
rest up love
when you are feeling better you can fill us in on as much or as little as you like.
Mistress B’s last blog post..There’ll be lots of pushing and then a little pulling towards the end………
Whatever you want to tell us. Mostly I want you to relax and recover and feel better.
Tammy’s last blog post..Lunch With a Loved One
ditto what everyone else said.
Especially what Tess said, you ARE awesome no matter what you write.
Just glad you are home and on the mend. Get lots of rest and take care of yourself.
You owe nothing to anybody. Talk about what you want to talk about, when, and IF, you want to talk about it. We’re just along for the ride.
Love you babe.
Robin’s last blog post..Bedouin Woman in Tent
please heal, ok? take the down time.
we all love you.
then a).
slouching mom’s last blog post..What Lies Beneath
Like I said before, I would like to know what you bought yourself for your birthday that was so awesome that it made a piece of your brain explode (or implode or something).
I’m glad your home Kell.
I hope Boo isn’t giving you too much grief and letting you rest.
You can give us the gories when you’re ready. (and I’m a nurse, so I love the gories)
Get well soon
Naomi
PS It’s my birthday on friday 😉
gnometree’s last blog post..The project
You are awesomicity no matter what you decide to write. Damn girl, don’t you know that?!
Dingo’s last blog post..Red Read Well
I vote A because I love hospital stories, especially when they are as scary as mine.
Chookie’s last blog post..Reminder
I vote A and C. And you’re always awesome.
Kylie’s last blog post..Go Shorty, It’s My Birthday!
One of the things you may notice is that you may get very weepy, its one of the after effects of a stroke, it will pass.
Take care.
Frances’s last blog post..
If this blog is now a sack of shit it means other blogs are mountains of manure – some Everests of excrement.
I want to hear each and every detail of your incident and hospital stay – but only each and every detail that you want to share – and in your own time and own way. Priority No.1 right now is YOU and lots of rest.
Sueblimely’s last blog post..Best Thunderbird Addins To Save Time
Now THAT’S somewhere I would like to be – held close to your chest. *grin* *lick* *nibble*
lceel’s last blog post..Sounds of Silence
I’d love to hear all about it…and how you are doing, now…whether you want to post a summary or write it all out, whatever is good for you. I just want you to heal and feel better! xoxo
Ashley’s last blog post..Works For Me Wednesday – Easter Idea
Part of what makes your awesomizationarianism so brilliant is that your writing gives us readers everything … highs, lows, giggles, tears, euphoria, uncontrollable flatulence (that last one I could do without).
I vote (a) because I am one nosy biatch, but whatever you decide is fine. Even if your decision makes me all farty.
mama mara’s last blog post..The EDGE is near
You know we’re all hooked like addicts, we’ll take whatever you feed us!
Rest up, no reason not to sleep if you’re tired and you can get away with sleeping. sleep for all of us who don’t get to, LOL!
AmberDBTD’s last blog post..I take it back
Sleep.
Rest.
Heal.
I’d say that even if I wasn’t a nurse.
Then A. and C.
Isn’t it appalling the way the rest of the world doesn’t stop kicking you in the arse when your brain is exploding.
Its TRULY FUCKING inconvenient really.
You’d think you’d qualify for a sick note to excuse you from other drama….
AM I being all ESP to say MOTY competition?
Clinkers, hon. And rest. REST.
Laura’s last blog post..Lesley says hi
first, get better.
THEN tell all.
but not till you’re ready.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Either that or my PRESENCE is his gift
E. Take a fucking nap already, get some rest and stop worrying about the blog so much. THEN I say a and b but you cant have the b without the e.
Hockeyman’s last blog post..Is that bad?
You can say whatever you want, as long as you keep saying it. Because we’ll keep coming back.
Now, take another nap.
magpie’s last blog post..Wardrobe Wednesday
I want you to do whatever you feel like. Feel like spilling your guts? Go for it. Feel like keeping it all to yourself? That’s fine too.
Seriously, whatever it takes to get you through.
Hugs, my dear…
Gina’s last blog post..That One Percent Could be Very Important, You Know
I want to hear that you’re getting some rest, taking care of yourself and feeling better… anything else is icing. Your awesomicity shines through no matter what you decide.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Tanqueray and diet black cherry soda
Kelley, I don’t come here for the jaunty ballsy awesomeness and shit kicking, I come despite it.
Rest yourself. Of course you’re tired, bone and sinew tired. Rest yourself, be yourself, heal yourself, and write about whatever the fuck you feel like writing about.
xx
Jo’s last blog post..crap in my head
All I want is for you to take care of you…and get better sweetie. You’ve had me scared. Hugs to you.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..This Maid’s On Strike
The tiredness is going to last longer than you are prepared for. How about calling for some guest posters?
witchypoo’s last blog post..The Costly Photographer
You could write about that one time you rearranged your panty drawer so that all the whites were on the right and the colours were on the left and I’d still be riveted to the page.
Rest up! I’ll still be here when you get back. 🙂
Lynn (Walking With Scissors)’s last blog post..What I’ve Been Listening to for Days…
You just ARE awesome, so write about whatever you need to write about (because it’s YOUR fucking blog, lady!), and I will be here to read it.
(a) I want to hear every detail, everthing. From the beginning, because I want to know how the hell something like this could happen to such a young awesome chick like you. Take your time. I’ll wait.
Karen’s last blog post..Rescued From Boredom!
I will gladly read whatever you want to share so I guess I vote A and C too. Mostly, I just want you to REST and get better….
Get mo’ betterer first, then a, b and c.
Fuck a bunch of D.
derfina’s last blog post..Short and Sweet
Personally, I wouldn’t mind reading more about the details of your ordeal. You’re awesome regardless of whether or not you’re being silly Kel. I love the fact that you’re so real, faked silly-pissed-awesomocity – as you put it – wouldn’t be quite as awesome as you sharing exactly how you feel. So do feel obliged to explain anything, just keep on being your Ninja Bitch awesome self. 🙂
And get some rest, woman!
Kymlee’s last blog post..Can Someone Tell Me Why AIG Should Pay Employee Bonuses it Clearly Can’t Afford?
I’ll wave to you on the radio…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Wide eyed and urinating
I vote for A, but I’ll read whatever you write. As many of the other comments say, you’re awesome even when you’re tired.
I hope you feel better!
megan’s last blog post..spring has sprung
At this point, I’m just glad you are A-OK. You can post about whatever the hell you want to post about.
Hope you’re feeling more healed and less crazed soon. *smooches*
Burgh Baby’s last blog post..Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!
Haven’t read the zillion comments before mine but I have a sneaking suspicion they say some version of what I’m about to: We come here for you. YOU. For your YOU-ness. No expectations, no guilt, no burden, please. There is time and you need rest. It’s good to “hear” your voice again. Heal. XO
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..The list of things that would mean absolutely nothing if
you be you, luv. just be you. take care of you and don’t worry about us!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)’s last blog post..from awesome to awkward – a beginner’s guide
Just get better, it doesn’t matter what you blog about 😉
Jeanette’s last blog post..Swanning around
You wouldn’t happen to have Dooce’s number would you?
Royce Cutlass’s last blog post..Log 091703.1: Glitter Dust
I want you to get back to your legendary awesomeness. So rest and recover and post WTF happened when you’re feeling up to it. Now go back to sleep.
jen’s last blog post..Sweet, sweet avoidance
I am totally a nosy nellie, so I want to hear all about what happened. But not until you feel up to it!
Rachael’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen: Music Edition
I vote E) – Tell whichever stories you feel like telling, in the way you want to tell them.
12ontheinside’s last blog post..Oh, Noes!
I think I may want to hear the story of Charmander and what you had to do to beat the little fucker off of your candy, cause he is obviously trying to pilfer it…
Krissa’s last blog post..Picture Purge #2
I think you should blog whatever the ….. you feel like blogging. That’s what a blog is for isn’t it? 🙂 If people don’t like it, so what?
I’m not surprised you’re tired and it will take a while. Brains are complex things.
Take care of yourself Kell.
(((HUGS)))
Lightening’s last blog post..Schooling Children While Travelling
Looking forward to hearing about whatever you feel comfortable telling us about. But for now, rest and then go rest some more. The internet will be still here when you are feeling stronger and more yourself.
Take care babe.
Riayn’s last blog post..Fitness Update
Of course we want all the details. Before we get to that, this is what you’re going to do.
1. Politely tell all your well-wishers that you adore them, but you HAVE TO REST. If they really care about you, they will piss off and let you recover.
2. Get those Damn Emos to pull their fingers out of their lovely arses. (Please show them this) It would not hurt their delicate dispositions to pick up after themselves, do stuff, and pamper the awesome mummy.
3. As MPS is such an obedient bitch, get him in on this pampering caper. Gebus, Kelley… your brain has just had the equivalent of 50 gazillion churning bashings on a roller coaster.
4. For fuck’s sake, allow that thing that gets caught in your eye to just flow right out. Anyone would be an emotional basket case after what you’ve been through. Go with it, let emotion happen. If anyone gives you shit about it… punch them in the pancreas. 🙂
5. Be kind to yourself.
And this is the nicest you will ever see me. Savour it, honey. It’s as rare as hen’s teeth.
anja’s last blog post..Ooooooooooo, me fucked up.
All I want to know is how you manage to get real live gifts! No seriously, it sounds as if you’ve really been through the mill. I’d put my feet up and yomp those choccies and breathe.
Best wishes
Maddy’s last blog post..Twist and plop – a three ringed circus
So let me get this straight, your tired?
JK
I want A!
Topher’s last blog post..FULL INTERVIEW Joaquin Phoenix On Letterman 2-11-09
So let me get this straight, your tired?
JK
I am voting for A!
Topher’s last blog post..FULL INTERVIEW Joaquin Phoenix On Letterman 2-11-09
Tell us what you want to tell us, when you want to tell us, and it will all be awesome beause you are awesome, but first of all just rest and get yourself well again.
Love and hugs. x
David Bridger’s last blog post..Small dark cloud
R.E.S.T
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..wordless wednesday
I want gingerbread. 🙂
And … oh, look: “Buy One bottle of non-irritating detergent get loads of clean clothes and happy kids”. I gotta get me some of that …
spotrick’s last blog post..Thoughts on interest rates
i’d read anything…just rest..I know its hard to do when you’ve got kids but try to do nothing for a while 🙂
shelly’s last blog post..I’VE BEEN STIMULATED BY K-RUDD…ewww..I think I just threw up in my mouth a little..
When you’re ready, if you want to, blog it. You’ve already let us into a huge chunk of your life, and we want to be here for you – if you need us. Or if you want to blog about anything but that? That’s fine too. It’s up to you. No matter what you blog about, I know it will be awesome!
dizzy mum’s last blog post..Flu, Fire and Rain
I’v been tryig to leave messages for two days and the computer won’t let me finish the job…FRICKIN COMPUTER.
What I was trying to say is that it is TOTALLY NORMAL to feel exhausted…you had a MAJOR insult to your brain (and I thank God that you headed to the hospital and didn’t play games like Natasha Richardson whom I grieve deeply for as she was a wonderful person and superb actress)
You had no bleeds and HONEY, THAT IS CRITICAL TO YOUR RECOVERY….
As many above have said…take ALL the time you need to recover…move when you feel like it and sleep if you want it or need it.
Let the children take care of each other…they are OLD ENOUGH to do so and to help out with Boo. You need hubby to TAKE CARE OF YOU.
WHen you feel like it…write about whatever YOU want to write about. Your followers will love you no matter what you decide to share.
I hope you enjoy the chicken matzoh ball soup (that the hubby or emos can make for you) when it arrives!
Take some time off, girl….don’t push too hard…let nature do its thing.
hotmamamia’s last blog post..A star is born
Whatever you write I’ll be here to read.
Kel’s last blog post..Old dog seeks new tricks
The next stroke, I promise I’ll call. And make fun of your shoes. Seriously, doll, don’t blog at all, if you don’t have it in you, tell the story if you wanna, talk about the pope and condoms. Whatever ya like. xo
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..On Being an Asshole
Wow. I thought I was hardcore. Good luck, kid. I hope you wake with superpowers tomorrow morning. xx
I choose just to have you well and happy again. The fucking awesome part has never gone away.
bejewell’s last blog post..Musical Flashback: Vox
I just want you, whoever that is when you’re writing here. You can do what you want with your space, and I’ll keep coming back. Take some time and heal for us, ‘kay?
Stimey’s last blog post..Perfectly Healthy But For That Nagging Fever
What the fuck? Shannon has your phone number and I don’t? Whatever. I take my love back.
OK, fine. You have my love. For now. Maybe.
And I wanna hear every sordid detail except for the part where you talk to other bloggers.
At least it was just Shannon. OH, by the way, whom I am rooming with at BlogHer. Yup – I’ll actually get to FEEL her whereas you just get to talk to her on the phone from your deathbed.
SUCKIT SICK GIRL.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]’s last blog post..Highers Up in Interweb Land
Kelley it is amazing that you found my blog post today…..over two years on and it is the first time i have been able to write about my treatment in hospital after my supposed SAH.
I say …firstly…cry….but carefully
secondly…rest
thirdly….get someone to buy you a medically approved kit for monitoring your blood pressure…it made all the difference to me….I get a headache a third of the Sentinel one I experienced and I check the machine….better yet check it regularly over time and you will be reassured that your meds are working
fourthly…if that is even a word….talk to people about the fear…who you know care and who are listeners. Do not do what silly old me did…after i finally got out of Emergency after three days, two nights and then a ward for two days…I waited for my best friend..then….to finish her five day fast and meditation cycle [she goes into her little wigwam in the garden…what can i say she is rich] and told her about the lumbar puncture nightmare. She went really quiet and then said omg this is bringing back my aunt’s stroke and lumbar puncture when i was eighteen. Oh this is too traumatic for me….yadda yadda yadda…btw i am underplaying this. So do not talk to narcissists! And we are no longer friends or bff…but that is another blog post!
lastly…maybe put some of your thoughts down on paper…the old fashioned way and gradually you will know what to share with us here. I was careful because of not wanting to frighten people too much who need lumbar punctures etc but getting the knowledge of patient’s rights out is important..as is documenting the experience
take care ….unfortunately life has a way of going on even when we have had so drastic an experience…or in our cases…fortunately
kathleen
xxxx
magikquilter’s last blog post..How Do You Say Goodbye?
A, or c is fine by me or d, take time to rest and blog when you want to.
Hoping you feel better soon.
Also, I’m jealous. Mr lady never called me.
tiff’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
You know I will read anything you write, so I don’t care what its about … I just Really Need You To Look After Yourself First And Don’t Worry About Anyone Else.
Amanda’s last blog post..From personal drama to community disaster
I choose all the above. I know it wasn’t a choice. I agree with others. Tell us what you need to tell us. Tell us what will clear your head and make your story yours.
I am glad you share. I know your the wity, sarcastic person that I love to read. But it’s nice to see everything about you. (OK that was kinda creepy, sorry)
I was refered to your blog by Maternal Mirth, who is a childhood friend of mine. She always loves your blog, and so I looked you up. I have loved your sarcasm and wit ever since.
It’s one of those things where you have a blog roll, and you have a BUNCH of blogs on it, but when your crazy busy you can only check a few, just your favorites.
That’s you.
Thanks for who you are. Take care.
From Chicago’s southside,
Queen of Feisty
Queen of Feisty’s last blog post..The job itself is no longer burning
Fuck this shit about ‘when you’re up to it’ and ‘only if you want to’.
Spill! Spill it all! Spill it NOW!
We’re all gluttons for punishment, surely you know THAT by now! 😉
GoaldeeBug’s last blog post..Avenue Q
I’m a night owl so this is late (or early in the morning) just saying hello and praying and hoping that this day on, better days will come.
you sound v. brave. i’m not brave – at all. so i admire that in people.
just saying hello.
Ooops, I’m a bit late here. I’m on a catch up and reading in chronological order so please forgive me if this comment is pointless in it’s lateness but you should get some rest and then blog what you fancy.
You never lost the Awesome, you big silly.
Barbara’s last blog post..81/365 – Watching Me, Watching You
I want to know it all. Like, everything you want to tell us. We’re all thinking of you. And even if you’re not well, I still heart you. It’s this weird internet-blog-connection-friendship thing going on here.
Am cheering for you until further notice. As usual.
Miss Ash’s last blog post..days like these