Why are you sad Kelley?
I dunno. I just am.
Is it this or this or this or this?
Nope. That is no different to yesterday, and yesterday I wasn’t sad.
Could it be the fact that you haven’t slept in days? Or perhaps that you were stupid enough to go clothes shopping and nothing would fit your fat arse and those changing room mirrors don’t lie about your aforementioned fat arse?
Shut the fuck up. I said I was sad, do you wanna rub it in? Sheesh.
I am just trying to help. You don’t have to be a bitch about it.
Sorry. I am just sad. Can’t I just be sad? Just for a moment? An hour? For no freaking good reason?
But why? That is totally irrational. Are you about to get your period?
Oh fuck off. *checks calendar* No.
You need vitamins. What have you eaten today?
Um, does coffee count?
No. Stupid woman. Go eat something.
But I am too… meh. I just wanna have a cry.
But WHY? There has to be a reason. Rational people do not just randomly feel sad for no fucking good reason. Snap out of it woman and go and mop the floors.
I don’t want to. I just want to… I don’t know what I want to do. I think I am hungry but I am not sure. Oh God this feeling is so frustrating.
Tell me about it.
Oh fuck off.
You already told me to do that. My, we are firing with the insults today aren’t we? *sniggering*
Yeah. Thanks for that. You are no help.
Well if you told me what is wrong I could help you!
I don’t know! I don’t know! It is nothing.
Is it ‘woman’ nothing? Like, I have to try and guess and get it wrong just so you can get shitty and then feel better cause you have transferred your frustration onto me?
Oh fu… leave me alone. Nothing is nothing and I don’t want to talk about it.
Is it ‘woman’ don’t want to…
SHUT UP! I am sad. Deal with it. I will snap out of it when I fucking feel like it now LEAVE ME ALONE!
And it goes round and round in my head. Rational Kelley trying to make sense of Irrational Sooky LaLa Kelley. Waves of sadness envelop me, swirling around with frustration at not knowing what the hell is wrong.
Please tell me you have days like this. Please tell me that you have conversations in your head trying to make sense of the feelings that have no goddamn place clouding your day for no good reason.
And tell me that the sensible you in your head wears sensible shoes. And that is why we hate her.