Today Moo and I did a little retail therapy after she had a job interview (please send get this job so she is outta my hair during the school holidays – which start in like 5 weeks and end in FEBRUARY!!! – and doesn’t have any spare time to get up to no good with the new boyfriend vibes please my lovelies…) she found it rather amusing so I asked her if she wanted to do a guest post on my blog. She was all ‘damn straight’ and I was all ‘tell them how freaking awesome I am and how I should totally write a book about how to be like the awesomest mother that has ever walked the earth in freaking fabulous shoes!’ and she was all ‘Don’t change a WORD in it. Not a WORD’ and I was all ‘But what about the pictures I took?’ and she was all ‘sigh’.
Damn sighing Emo.
And without further ado, I present Moo in her blogging debut. With my pictures. Losing her blogging virginity so to speak. The only one I hope she loses for a long looooooooong time. You hear me biatch?
There, towering over all other shelves, they were. The Christmas trees. Beside me, Mum clutched her skinny choc-malt milkshake and started stuttering. I waved my hand over her face.
“I’ve got the vapours!” She fanned herself.
She had lost it.
“I want to put up the Christmas tree,” she said, and her eyes began to gloss over. I was losing her.
“It isn’t even my birthday yet!” I reminded her, trying to pull her away. But she would not have it. She continued to the decorations.
“Oh Moo!” she gasped, picking up some weird-arse case with several dips for baubles. “It’s a bauble container!” She turned the corner. “I need it! A basket to hold Christmas paper rolls! Moo! A container especially for bows!”
They were ridiculous. They looked like any other containers, but for their festive colours. Her eyes were bright and she started twitching. I could hear her brain whirring. Must. Have. DECORATIONS. Christmas. Storage. CHRISTMAS.
“Mum…” I sighed. She pulled out her phone.
“You don’t understand. It’s storage AND Christmas! ALL IN ONE!” She snapped pictures of the boxes. I groaned.
“Let’s look at the decorations instead, hmm?” I dragged her bodily to the baubles. That was a mistake. She began fawning over bowls and crappy little danglies.
“I can totally make this into a necklace!”
“DUDE! This bowl is awesome!”
“Blah, blah, blah!”
In closing, Mum is a douche.
What? What!? They were awesome!
Look at this
and how can you say that is not fan-freaking-tastic? I mean STORAGE and CHRISTMAS at the same time.
I think I need to sit down. I am feeling a little faint.
Can I put the Bathroom Tree™ up yet?