To see last years birthday letter click here.
My baby girl. My beautiful, loving, wonderful, exasperating baby girl. This years letter has been hard to write, I mean how many different ways can I tell you that you rock? And that I love you with such a force that I could never ever contemplate before looking deep into the eyes of my children?
Remember that game we used to play? Who loves who the most? And how I would always win? You would say ‘I love you past the furtherest star and the furtherest planet!’ and I would say ‘I would die for you’. You would always look at me with awe in your eyes. And I would win. Sucker!
But I fair would. Like totally. Srsly.
This morning when I went in to wake you, a faint shadow of annoyance crossed your face until you registered that I was singing Happy Birthday (granted it was over and over and totally out of key) and then you smiled. In that moment between sleep and awake you always look like that little girl. That little girl with the huge blue eyes and long dark blonde ringlets. You still have those amazing eyes, but what colour is your hair now?
Yeah, I know. I will colour it for you tonight K?
It has been a hard year. Death and broken friendships. Dealing with the whole girl crap that you have so luckily avoided till now. Holding me up while a broke a little at the death of my grandparents, your great grandparents. But you did it all with your usual grace and acceptance. That is your way. You didn’t get that trait from me.
So today as I bake your birthday cake, I look around at the pictures of you. A baby. A toddler. A little girl. Those amazing eyes follow me around the room. Sometimes I long for that little girl, the total dependence on me, looking up at me asking ‘why Mummy?’ or snuggling into me whispering ‘cold me up Mummy’ as I wrap my arms around you, engulfing you in my embrace making you warmer and catching my breath. But then I think of the times when we pass each other in the hall, you a full head taller than me, and you open your arms and I snuggle into you.
I look up and think ‘why Too?’ why have the years gone so fast? My baby is now on the cusp of a woman. Barely needing me. My heart breaks a little at the thought of you ever leaving.
And then I look at the chaos that is your room, your birthday gifts strewn on the floor, the pictures of you, and I realise that you will always be my little girl. That 18mth old girl, laying in a hospital bed so sick but clutching your ‘Backman’.
Happy Birthday my baby girl. I love you more, I love you most, I win.
P.S. See? Not one mention about your boobs. But DAY-UM girl! Strap those puppies down or something.