I was rocking today.
I had a cute little skirt, one of my favourite shirts, freaking kick arse red heels that matched my equally awesome coat. And dammit, even my umbrella matched. My awesomeness even astounded me…
I kicked some serious arse, flying off emails and being awesome.
Around 10.30am I went to the loo. Coffee Bitch got me an extra large latte, my third for the day.
Stoopid paper dispenser, instead of the painstakingly annoying one sheet at a time was dispensing wads of paper. I was absorbed in trying to put some of the mounds of paper back when I spied something out of the corner of my eye.
I got the fuck outta there quick smart. Then realised it was not a spider, but a couple of feathers from a feather duster. Showed one of the chicks while we were washing our hands and we giggled nervously till someone else came in and got rid of it for us.
Cause dammit, it LOOKED like a spider so we weren’t touching it.
Why is everyone looking at my legs? Oh. Yeah. These shoes are freaking awesome.
Went to a meeting. Rocked it.
My shoes had everyone enthralled. They are awesome. I know.
Up and down the stairs and all around the building getting opinions and liaising and consulting and kicking some lazy arse all the other shit that I do. I mean, fuck me dead, if I send you an email asking for your opinion on something and you want input, respond, fucker. Don’t just bitch. I am Ninja. I hear you.
And yeah, my shoes are fucking awesome. Or are you looking at my skirt? Doesn’t matter. It rocks too. I know.
Back to my desk, Coffee Bitch comes over we discuss a few things. We bitch about a few things.
I notice something on my leg. My inner thigh. Just above the knee.
A wad of toilet paper stuck INSIDE my stockings. My flesh coloured stockings. For the last 3 or so HOURS.
I flew out of my chair. Pulling my skirt down as far as it would go. Hoping desperately that the awesomeness of my shoes was doing deflection duty away from the ginormous wad of bog roll wedged in my stockings.
Of course, Murphy being my constant companion, I ran into people wanting to converse and analyse and fucking SPEAK TO ME on the way to remove the !!!GLARINGLY WHITE!!! paper highlighted by my black skirt.
Like a neon sign with arrows and fireworks screaming !!!LOOKY HERE!!!
Finally I managed to hobble like a freaking geisha, knees firmly wedged together, into the bathroom and fish out the bastard.
And then what did I do? What else?
I went back into the office and told everyone my humiliation.
Cause I am all about the overshare.
And not one fucker had even noticed.
They WERE looking at my awesome shoes.
Yeah. They are that awesome.