She is walking up the driveway.
I catch a glimpse too late. She sees me and waves.
Have spent the day playing with Boo, chatting on Plurk and just general pottering around the house.
The loungeroom is full of toys and a couple of blankets that Boo and I used as cushioning after a mad tickle wrestle. The floors need mopping and remnants of a cooking experiment that went disastrously wrong, but was mad fun, is strewn all over the kitchen.
My hair in a half bun and no makeup. A day spent just being with my boy.
And she drops in. Unannounced.
I hate the ‘drop in’. I always call beforehand and check if visiting is convenient. Everyone ELSE I know knows this and follows suit, cause they like, know how much I hate the drop in.
But this chick? She constantly does it. And then will make snide remarks about my house, or my appearance or offers to do the dishes or pull weeds in a snide way like ‘It’s OK, I will do it, it is not that hard you know’.
I think she does it to mess with my head. Or she is just that fucking stupid. Or both. Can’t she see the look on my face? Has she no idea that me saying ‘oh, I was just about to go out’ and there is no fucking car in the driveway that I am trying to blow her off?
It is not like I am going to walk anywhere is it?
So she comes in. Sits down. Her child runs riot and pulls every fucking toy out of every single toy box. At least he didn’t break anything this time. But he stunk the house out with his farting. And the kid is 6, he should know better.
She tells me how to run my house. How to cook. How I should be doing more exercise and perhaps go on a diet, for your health Kelley... Fucker is twice my size and ten years older. Pot meet Kettle.
She used to be my neighbour. Two years ago. I would find her son in our backyard playing at 6am, or she would ‘pop in’ at 10pm, or I would find her waving at me from her yard through my kitchen window. Apparently acknowledgement was a freaking invitation to ‘drop in’ for a couple of hours during Boo’s therapy time.
Or while I was showering.
Or when I was serving up dinner. Bitch would just help herself from my place.
I kid you not.
So when we moved I thought we were safe. And we were for a while. But now it is like she has fucking radar for the days where I have done bugger all around the house, kids have trashed the place while I am at work and I am in the mood to say ‘fuck it all, lets play Boo!’.
Then she waddles up the driveway. Just to make me feel like shit and boost her own sad little ego.
You know I have only been inside her house once. And that was after being invited in. Cause I am awesome and thoughtful and polite and shit.
But I did have a little win moment.
She said ‘bitch’.
And you know how Boo has that little habit of saying ‘Ass’ when someone says ‘bitch’? Well today he bumped it up a notch.
He said ‘You are such an arsehole’
And I nearly bust a lung trying to stifle the gaffaws.
She was all ‘You really shouldn’t let him get away with language like that you know!’ while her little bastard was pulling apart my house and polluting the air with his half digested lunch.
As soon as the bint hauled her fat arse out my door I jumped on Plurk
and then made myself a latte.
So are you a drop inner? Or do you feel the same way as me and wanna go postal on their arses and then bury the evidence in your weed infested garden?