Mel from Freak Parade‘s post about her son shaving his butt with her razor prompted me to share that Boo has found every freaking hiding spot for my toothbrush.
Those are not hip with the happening thang. Boo likes to scrub his arse with my toothbrush. Everyone elses brushes are out on the counter in a lovely little ceramic pot that my grandfather made me. Mine? It is now…. wait… I’m not telling you. You might let it slip to Boo, cause you want my breath to smell like arse.
So these are the directions for a squeaky clean arse, according to Boo.
1. Make sure Mummy is really REALLY busy or is on the computer…
2. Enter bathroom and lock the door. QUIETLY. If Mum hears the door being locked she will come running.
3. Take a doona with you. Ensure it is one that has just been disinfected.
4. Take a freaking HUGE dump in the toilet. Ensuring to spray all sides of the toilet.
5. Unroll a couple of rolls of toilet paper. Chew up a few and throw on the roof (distraction tactics)
6. Finish doing the business and wipe arse on doona and towels and wall.
7. Bring out mums toothbrush that you found from its hiding spot.
8. With one leg resting on the side of the bath proceed to scrub arse.
9. When mum opens the door, look at her incredulously saying ‘whaaaaat??’
10. Then say ‘Oh Sorry’ like you don’t really mean it and continue with the arse scrubbing while Mummy races to the sink to scrub her mouth out and put toothbrushes on the emergency shopping list.
Kid is a bastard. An adorable, cuddly little spawn of the devil.