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WTF?

thankfully they don’t come in red, because that would be gross. But if they did, they would be called the Carrie… obviously.

I would call them ‘Sunshine drips from my arse’     {source}   My exact reaction. But less bloody and Home Coming Queeney. Alternatively:  I have a solution for the dripping problem. I fucking love the internet.   P.S.  I am over at The Shake today pretending to be knowledgeable and dispensing advice about friendship.

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Bongzilla: The Ultimate Christmas Gift. If the recipient is a porn star. Or just really really thirsty.

Stay Klassy Christmas. P.S. This is actually from a catalogue I got in the mail today.  ‘Cheap as chips’  quite apt name don’t you think? P.P.S.  How many bathrooms do you think this catalogue will be gracing? P.P.P.S.  Ewwww.

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I need you to put your detective hats on while I go and rock in this corner with a mouthful of bleach.

this scene greeted me when I went into the bathroom to use the facilities… A gun.  Two toothbrushes.  Toothpaste. AND A TAPE MEASURE. I am baffled. And a little terrified. Can you see why? … THAT IS MY MOTHERFUCKING TOOTHBRUSH! So, lovely little stalkers, do you know WHY this fills me with dread and makes [...]

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SPOILER ALERT if you are like us and only just watching True Blood season 3 and 4.

  A FAIRY? A fucking FAIRY? Seriously? And don’t even get me STARTED on the motherfucking werepanthers… *rolls eyes so violently I fall over* Please tell me Sooky and Bill die in some horrible silver covered wooden stake accident and the entire series is taken over by the utterly fabulous Lafayette and bad arse biatch [...]

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Burning.

I have so much shit to write. So many things I want to share and things I maybe might not want to but perhaps I will. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anything right now. The phoenix is on fire. I can feel the burning. A physical burn in my eyeballs – probably my [...]

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Pretty much sums up my day

So if you have been playing along at home you would know that I had a meeting with my bosses boss today. They promised me the world and a bag of chips to come back ASAP. A gradual introduction with Boo’s needs and MY HEALTH paramount. Starting with four hours a week, on a day [...]

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Quitting blogging

Oh woe is me: It is just too hard keeping up with the squillions of comments… Dealing with the fact that no one comments… Nobody VALIDATES ME… I am a better writer than HER and she gets all the glory… OMG I need attention TOO YOU KNOW! Blogging is taking away too much valuable time [...]

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Bitches are on the internet too.

{source} In high school I was one of those girls that everyone knew. Not one of the ‘popular’ girls, fuck everyone HATED those bitches, but one of those chicks that you would be all ‘hey, how ya doin’ as you passed me in the hall or coming out of the stall in the girls bathroom. [...]

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So I am sure you have heard the one about the lead singer of Soft Cell and the stomach full of donkey semen…

or 15 pints of semen (how is that even possible? Did he break into a semen bank or the Playboy mansion?) or 15 different kinds of semen (there are KINDS?  Like WHO KNEW???) Well I bet Mr Almond is going to ask for this book from Santa this year… Description Semen is not only nutritious, [...]

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It’s all fun and games until someone loses their mind.

Funny shit. Now imagine you are in the kitchen baking five hundred cakes for a family get together and your 20 year old daughter walks into the kitchen and shows that to you on her phone. Still funny shit. Now imagine you are in the kitchen covered in flour cause you are baking cakes for [...]

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