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oh the horror

thankfully they don’t come in red, because that would be gross. But if they did, they would be called the Carrie… obviously.

I would call them ‘Sunshine drips from my arse’ {source} My exact reaction. But less bloody and Home Coming Queeney. Alternatively: I have a solution for the dripping problem. I fucking love the internet. P.S. I am over at The Shake today pretending to be knowledgeable and dispensing advice about friendship.

11 comments continue →

Act your age, not your shoe size.

Or, well, BOTH. He still has YEARS of growing in him. These were expertly fitted and the biggest size they stock… and he has only JUST turned 14. HOLD ME. {he is currently standing in front of the pantry with a loaf of bread. WHEN DO THEY STOP EATING ALL THE DAMN TIME?} {I can’t [...]

33 comments continue →

I need you to put your detective hats on while I go and rock in this corner with a mouthful of bleach.

this scene greeted me when I went into the bathroom to use the facilities… A gun. Two toothbrushes. Toothpaste. AND A TAPE MEASURE. I am baffled. And a little terrified. Can you see why? … THAT IS MY MOTHERFUCKING TOOTHBRUSH! So, lovely little stalkers, do you know WHY this fills me with dread and makes [...]

23 comments continue →

This is the foot of addiction…

I woke yesterday morning to find Boo in the lounge room. In a carb coma. The remnants of another middle of the night bread bender surrounding him. Pants on the floor, empty bread bag tossed aside, snoring like a T-Rex with a deviated septum A – empty bag of carbs B – carb overdose victim [...]

17 comments continue →

So now I just need to discover that MPS is my cousin, buy some Crocs and my transformation is complete.

I guess I should change my name to Schapelle now and getz me some jeggin’s. Check it. Back windscreen held together with CONTACT AND DUCT TAPE. A new one is going to take a while to get here. Invitations to the hoe down are in the mail. Fuck.

26 comments continue →

Remember how Boo liked to use my toothbrush as an anal cleansing instrument? I say USED TO because we are all in agreement that he doesn’t do that any more. Right? Excuse me while I go and wash my mouth out with bleach. Again.

Alternative title: Now I know why I hate celery. Alternative Alternative title: WHAT THE FUCK? To truly appreciate the FULL HORROR of this – oh yes, it will be worse trust me you NEED the back story – read this and this. It is OK, I will wait. I am gargling bleach. {source} Ribbed for [...]

25 comments continue →

oh the horror

thankfully they don’t come in red, because that would be gross. But if they did, they would be called the Carrie… obviously.

Act your age, not your shoe size.

I need you to put your detective hats on while I go and rock in this corner with a mouthful of bleach.

This is the foot of addiction…

So now I just need to discover that MPS is my cousin, buy some Crocs and my transformation is complete.

Remember how Boo liked to use my toothbrush as an anal cleansing instrument? I say USED TO because we are all in agreement that he doesn’t do that any more. Right? Excuse me while I go and wash my mouth out with bleach. Again.

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oh the horror

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search for more awesomeness

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archival awesomeness

awesomeness tied up neatly