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I’m a biatch

Considering putting this up on my front door. Nicely framed in contrasting colours to the house. Of course.

Speaking the language of the local mouth breathers. And door to door salesmen and God Botherers. {source} now to google ‘hogg’ tying. and ‘trespasuers’  I am pretty sure they are French.

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terriFRYing

Tomorrow is back to school. Who thought it would be a GOOD FUCKING IDEA for these school holidays to be TWO AND A HALF weeks long? Because while two and a half anything sounds good, it always ends badly. Not looking at you Charlie Sheen. Tomorrow morning I will drop Boo off at school and […]

13 comments continue →

Good Friday viewing: Harry Potter, Life of Brian and Last Temptation Of Christ. Because we are all about motherfucking TRADITIONS PEOPLE!

It is already well documented that I am a heathen. That I am going to hell and bringing the margaritas. Whatever. Right now I thank Jesus for doing his little magic act because it means that I get a fucking NINE DAY WEEKEND. And that shit just doesn’t happen every day. It is a Christmas […]

16 comments continue →

Hows the serenity…

In the movie The Castle the father – the ever optimist – sits on the porch of his run down shack in the middle of nowhere, the only sound being bugs vaporising in the bug zapper above his wife’s head, and sighs ‘Hows the serenity’ Today, on the first day back at school after eight […]

19 comments continue →

My house is not a boat. And for that I am thankful. Because I fucking HATE houseboats.

I have received a few panicked emails, Twitter and Facebook messages from my lovelies wondering if the reason I haven’t been around much of late is because I am caught up in the utter devastation that is the floods in Queensland. I rest assured, I am two states away from that, and although my house […]

16 comments continue →

I need to sleep for a year. In a week.

So the week of hell Birthday Week trundles along mercilessly, so much to do so little wine time. When you add in some extra dramas, getting rid of little fuckers defecating in my blog A-FUCKING-GAIN and a dress fitting for the oldest and surliest bridesmaid in the history of forever, I am seconds away from […]

20 comments continue →

Today I was THAT arsehole. Or asshole. But arsehole sounds classier and I am totally a classy arsehole.

Today I went shopping at the mecca of The Great Unwashed. And I was in a bad mood. A badder than usual mood, cause I am ALWAYS in a bad mofo mood when I have to spend my hard earned sitting on my arse pretending to work cash on mundane shit like dishwashing liquid and […]

44 comments continue →

Batten down the hatches! Run for the hills! It’s MAN FLU!

http://magnetoboldtoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/tissues2.jpg

The Horror! The Terror! Oh the HUMANITY! MPS has a cold MAN FLU! As mere women whining about tiny insignificant things like period cramps, mittelschmerz, carrying a screaming toddler and a baby in a sling while pushing a shopping trolley full of groceries nursing a barely healed caesarean scar and oh, I dunno, wearing a […]

39 comments continue →

Happy Birthday to the man that stole my youth.

Today is MPS’s birthday. Or it was yesterday, or tomorrow or something. THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT, the important thing is he is like OLD. He was old when he lured me, essentially still a child, into his clutches with promises of sweet flavoured alcohol and things that made me call out to deities of all […]

21 comments continue →

Letter to my family

My dearest Family, I am writing today to formally notify you that as of this evening I am parking my fat arse on the recliner in front of the television for the next three days and I am only moving to urinate, shower or get into my freshly made bed. {BTW, go and make my […]

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