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I’m a biatch

Shopping for The Golden Spawn.

Post sponsored by BigW Toys In a couple of weeks it will be the first anniversary of my second stroke so of course that means it is the first birthday of The Golden Childs spawn. Doesn’t everyone measure events by brain haemorrhages? It’s the only way I remember my own birthday. Regardless, Boo is especially [...]

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and the winner is…

  not you, idiot. EDENLAND! Fucking bitch I love ya more than my dignity. x Note to self:  put your face on and brush you motherfucking hair before posting pictures of yourself on the internet. P.S. I totally have a picture of your arse woman, and I am not afraid to sell it to New [...]

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and I haven’t killed him. Yet.

So MPS has been home for just over a week with a toothache. Eleven days to be exact. 264 hours to be exacter. Too fucking long in my face with all the moaning and breathing and talk of motherfucking pus coming out of his motherfucking abscess and OOOOOH HONEY COME HERE AND GIVE ME A KISS. [...]

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The week preceding the birthday of The Queen of Awesome.

Every year since the Mayans started their calendar, I have taken the week before my birthday off work to clean the house as a birthday present to myself. I know, I know, I SHOULD be whisked away for luxury holidays or at least pampered with mani/pedi’s and massages and steaming lattes and unicorns made of [...]

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How to care for your husband.

Today is the 22nd anniversary of when MPS and I hooked up.  So to celebrate I have a post that I found in my drafts. Happy Anniversary MPS, you better have something special planned for tonight… Cause this is totally a how to blog, I thought I would give you all some tips and tricks [...]

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Things that made me happy today. Surprisingly not all of them involved making people cry.

Yelling at my boss and nearly making him cry. {Then him following me around like a lost puppy seeking my approval.} Yelling at Boo’s principal and reducing him to a blathering mess. {Seems he only stutters when he talks to me.  Hmmmm…} Walking home in the sunshine with my Boo. This skirt and this flower [...]

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Why I suck as a mother.

Today Moo turns 20 Tomorrow Boo turns 13 In September Too turned 18. In years gone by I would write a heartfelt letter to my offspring telling them how wonderful and fabulous and lucky they were to have me as a mother how much they have enriched my life and made me the person I [...]

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Considering putting this up on my front door. Nicely framed in contrasting colours to the house. Of course.

Speaking the language of the local mouth breathers. And door to door salesmen and God Botherers. {source} now to google ‘hogg’ tying. and ‘trespasuers’  I am pretty sure they are French.

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terriFRYing

Tomorrow is back to school. Who thought it would be a GOOD FUCKING IDEA for these school holidays to be TWO AND A HALF weeks long? Because while two and a half anything sounds good, it always ends badly. Not looking at you Charlie Sheen. Tomorrow morning I will drop Boo off at school and [...]

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Good Friday viewing: Harry Potter, Life of Brian and Last Temptation Of Christ. Because we are all about motherfucking TRADITIONS PEOPLE!

It is already well documented that I am a heathen. That I am going to hell and bringing the margaritas. Whatever. Right now I thank Jesus for doing his little magic act because it means that I get a fucking NINE DAY WEEKEND. And that shit just doesn’t happen every day. It is a Christmas [...]

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