From the category archives:

hmmmmm

Sofitel Melbourne can suck it.

Didn’t that last post look blissful?
The room service was awesome (except for the broken table…) and the bed was exquisite.
I posted that pic in the hopes that the worst of the weekend was behind us.  Alas it wasn’t.
Sofitel Melbourne sucks.
We arrived at the hotel and parked our 10 year old car next to brand new [...]

65 comments continue →

I’m bringing sexy back

So I am sitting here, resplendant in my sock slippers and yoga pants

wrapped up in a Lightning McQueen blanket and surrounded by a sea of wadded up tissues when the doorbell rings.
I get up to go to the door, passing the window as I stagger the 10 feet and notice the lawnmower guy literally JUMP [...]

50 comments continue →

Compliment or backhanded bitch slap?

Today while I was slapping on the warpaint applying my mascara I was reminded of a compliment I received as a teen.
I was doing work experience at a salon – I had dreams of becoming a world famous makeup artist,  flitting around the world part-ay-ing on down with the rich and famous and them loving [...]

41 comments continue →

Ara… Arac… Arachn…that totally rational terror.

I woke this morning at the God awful hour of FIVE AM to get one of the Damn Emo friends, N* ready to be picked up.  After another loooooong sleepless night with Boo.
This would be like day 3, or 5, or four hundred thousand, I don’t freaking know, I am not even sure my clothes [...]

59 comments continue →

*cough splutter* whiiiiiiiiine & and actual post.

I have the lurgy.  The sucky crappy whiny bug.
And I got my period. A week early.
So yeah, I am a joy to be around.
Oh and lets not forget the zit the size of a planet that has taken up residence on the side of my chin and throwing off my balance. And I sound like [...]

33 comments continue →

Pull my finger.

We are obsessed with all things smelly in the Magneto Bold house.
Farts, letting fluffy off the chain, ‘Vince’ (when you let one rip you yell out Vince), cutting the cheese.
Poo, bowel movements, dropping the kids off at the pool, laying a cable, giving birth to a public service manager, touching cloth.
They all make us snigger.
Fecal [...]

38 comments continue →

Um, excuse me, what just happened here?

I think I just gave my 16 year old permission to smoke weed.
The wacky tobacky. Shit, hash, ganga, spliff…. call it what you will. I think I just gave my kid the OK.
The conversation started off innocently enough. Moo came in while I was on the computer, assumed the position as decreed [...]

33 comments continue →

I have lead a sheltered life.

Last night I was edu-ma-cated.
In the horror that is the douche bag.
Was minding my own business, having a little break from the monotony that is the life of a mother of 3 lazy fucking bloodsuckers children and wandered over to Boobs, Injuries and Dr Pepper.
And was shocked and horrified and laughed so much I peed [...]

36 comments continue →

I need a secretary.

hmmmm, that would be fabulous.
Someone to wander around behind me, peeling me grapes and making me coffee.  And organising my life.
I have been so busy lately.  Things are slipping.  The other day I forgot to make my bed.  Man that pissed me off, cause I always make my bed.  That freaking Flylady has got a [...]

26 comments continue →

Navel gazing…..

not too hard, it is sitting on my lap.
Well not quite, but it is only a matter of time if I keep this shit up.
A few days, weeks, whatever ago I was whining about not being hungry. I am too lazy to look up when it was.
And that is the problem.
I just couldn’t [...]

34 comments continue →