From the category archives:

Happy happy joy joy

Happy Mothers Day.

Today in the International House of Font the celebration of the awesomeness that is me, mother of awesome, was pretty well… awesome.
Presents. Breakfast made by an Emo. Glee. Text from a ring in Emo that made me cry.
Awesome.
So as I sit here, my feet bubbling away on warm whirl massage in my new foot spa [...]

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Hobos, Grammar Nazi’s and first days. Sans pants.

Today Boo was up and raring to go. Dressed and packed for his first day of the school year an HOUR AND A HALF ahead of time.
Too did the usual ‘whatevz’ but left the house sporting her new awesome messenger bag and the cutest pencil case ON EARTH.
Moo lounged around in bed, as you do [...]

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I know you are all dying to hear about the parties of awesome, but first I have to tell you of some other awesomeness. Awesome.

So today was my first day back at work after the two weeks of MADNESS, MADNESS I SAY!
I was feeling rather sore and tired and a tad overwhelmed after the awesomeness of the parties of awesome, so as I wandered in I gave my usual greetings to ensure that the entire office was aware that [...]

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When your oldest child becomes an adult you are required by LAW to fuck with their minds.

Today Moo turns 18.
EIGHTEEN.
This holy terror…

is now taller than me, but really no different except that beautiful blonde hair is now black and green.
When I woke this morning she was all ready awake, sitting up in bed all expectant. PRESENTS!
Which is where the fucking with the mind comes in.
Moo has been lusting after a MacBook, [...]

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Bliss

if you don’t understand this reference go here and here.
nighty night…

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TMI? Come on, you have heard worse. Just check my archives. On second thoughts, never mind.

I just got my period.
Aunt Flo.
Riding the crimson tide.
You know the drill.
I have been ready to cut a bitch all day, craving chocolate and bacon and who is the motherfuckersonofabitch that ate all the potato chips?
Oh. That would be me.
A little known fact about your hostess of awesomeness, I have a little condition called PCOS, [...]

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Tomorrow I start my new old life.

Almost a year ago, soon after I started my new job I was convinced to increase my hours at work to four days instead of three. And me being the super mum (in my mind) agreed thinking that I could do it all.
Cause who needs sleep anyway. Sleep is for the weak. Just ask my [...]

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Well, hello lover…

I have lusted after you for years.
Dreaming of one day holding you in my hands, gently stroking my hand down your shaft.
My whole body shudders at the thought of owning you, possessing you, waking up knowing that you are there waiting for me.
Today I decided to take the plunge. To give in to my desires.
To [...]

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Things that make me go weak at the knees.

This morning I woke pissed.
Tired. Sore. Arm achy stabby ratfucksonofabitching.
Moo with her head in the toilet bowl. Vodka shots with her friends last night.
Luckily all the guys there were into each other rather than her. IfyouknowwhatImean.
My valentine snoring loudly and hogging the bed, Boo running around, ‘Horton Hears a Who’ on loop and fecal murals [...]