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chronic as fuck

I went to hospital and all I got was a wrinkle free sphincter.

Well if that doesn’t bring all the freaks to my blog then nothing will. I thought I better slap up a blog post to let y’all know I am alive. Those of you that don’t follow me on Instagram that is. *side eye* I have been planning a HUGE post about my experience with Botox […]

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The lucky streak continues!

chillin’ in my fav cubicle no.6 Yesterday I was sent to hospital with a suspected heart attack. No, wait, hear me out. For the last couple of weeks I have had a steady chest pain with intermittent OMG WHY IS THIS PAIN TRYING TO KILL ME smattered with panic attacks and a touch of tingling […]

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New Year, new… well nothing really. Status Quo not maintained because one of them went and died on us. Yeah, I am still with the morbid post titles, what of it?

I didn’t do much on New Years Eve, our wedding anniversary. You? I spent most of the night watching movies – Bridget Jones Baby and Sausage Party – and a new to us TV series, Baskets (8/10 so far) and my head in a well situated cake cloche vomiting up some not so delicious the […]

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So I might be getting me some Botox for Christmas. But no where NEAR where I would be wanting to get it. And I am sure as shit none of the Real Housewives would be doing this at one of their parties.

So I went to see my gastro doc yesterday and he was all, so are the drugs working? And I was all *burst into tears* no. So he doubled the dose and told me to take them more often and then took my work details and promised to email them to tell them to back […]

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Grumpy is as grumpy does. I think that is how the saying goes.

You guise, I am a wreck. We are on week whatthefuckever of laying on the couch watching tv and pausing it intermittently because I can’t follow the storyline and it is MOTHERFUCKING REAL HOUSEWIVES THERE IS NO DAMN STORYLINE so you see how bad things are getting ’round ‘ere. I am trawling pinterest for tasty […]

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OMG I TOTALLY NEED TO BE ALONE… HERE ARE 4 SELFIES, A SNAPCHAT, AN INSTAGRAM PIC AND STORY AND I WILL BE LIVE ON FACEBOOK SOON ABOUT IT

I have kept very much to myself over the last week or so. The Professor is still fucking with my medication and it, in turn, is fucking with me. I tried going back to work for a couple of days and that was a SPECTACULAR mistake, and now I am just spending my days trying […]

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How to be fabulous when you are falling apart.

Beside you, my closest friends on the internetz, no-one in real life knows about my unfortunate little maladies. I told my BFF from high school about the fibro once… she laughed in my face and said that was a made up thing that hypochondriacs get, so I learned to keep my fat mouth shut. No […]

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The first step in accepting my limitations. I understand the fucking irony here.

It is just for special occasions. OMG ALL OF THE LOLZ. You know, if I want to go somewhere and do something and eat or someshit. Or act like normal people. Not for every day. Once I stop side eyeing it I might try and pretty it up cause fuck me dead it is ugly. […]

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Rolling my eyes so far back in my head I can see my damn spine.

It is so hard to get good help these days. Especially those of the medical persuasion. As you all know, I am completely fucked up in the health stakes and I take every damn opportunity to let you all know about it. Because no other fucker will listen, obvs. And since my little excursion to […]

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TA DA!

So I have a couple of weeks off work to rest my neck and calm the fuck down and get my metaphorical house in order. And while the Kelley of old would use this opportunity to literally use this time to get this house in order, the Kelley of now is physically incapable of doing […]

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