Back in November (or was it September? I have no fucking idea, the days and months are all a blur now… I only know the seasons by which Real Housewives are on, and Atlanta just finished so that must mean this batshit crazy of the Juicy Giudice clan should be glamming up my screen soon!) I decided to take a few weeks off to have a rest.

Oh and clean my house.

And cook dinner every night.

While I was resting.

Obvs.

Fast forward 2 seasons of Housewives and here we are with my medically mandated ‘sit with your feet on the ground every so often’ and FUCKING REST.

That shit escalated.

Last week I started seeing a wonderful exercise physiologist that costs as much as my car payment a week and I LOVE HER.  We have a hot date via Skype every Wednesday and then she will take my credit card details.

I imagine this is internet porn for professional sick people.  Medical help FROM BED.

*SWOONS*

Last night I went to see my Rheumy and he was in a fabulous mood.  Dunno if it was because he had new scans to read (I have osteoarthritis in my hips now, fun) cause you know how they love that shit or because he now no longer bulk bills (ratfucksonofabitch) so there was no one but MPS and I in the waiting room… regardless he looked super relaxed and we had a long chit chat about life, the universe and everything, and how I was not going back to work for a long long time.

That 2 weeks is like Pluto time, friends.

Or a certificate till mid November and reviewed in August.

Which is super good timing actually cause I have a shit show brewing trying to sort out what Boo is doing next year when he finishes school and DONOTEVENGETMESTARTEDONTHENDIS *breathe Kelley BREATHE* so I can do all that while hooked up to my BP monitor and chewing Valium like tic tacs.  And putting my feet on the floor every now and then while wearing my compression stockings and drinking salty fluids.

It is like I don’t even have TIME to go to work anyway.

And those Housewives ain’t going to watch themselves either.  Oh and 60 Days In… OMG OBSESSED, thanks Lorraine.  Best.

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