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My day was bad, but I would never be that desperate. Probably.

by Kelley Magnetoboldtoo

in cracking my shit up,funstuff

fake tampons omg

but it might be handy for somewhere to hide a spare fiver to get a kale smoothie after I go for a run.

booze tube

{source}

Pheh, like I RUN anywhere…

And a kale smoothie would be anything under 20 bucks.

P.S. The Americans must have really looooong vaginas or hella heavy periods cause that thing is a lot bigger than what we get around here.

Yeeee Hawww!

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{ 9 comments }

Well meaning people.

People think I have it all together. No one that reads here, obviously, but people in general. They see the magnificent facade that I have cultivated over years and years of the universe relaxing its sphincter over my head, coming up for air shaking the shit from my hair, and think that no matter what […]

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11 comments continue →

Foul Mouthed Tutorials: Bastille Day and creamed leeks.

Twiddle your long moustache and don your jaunty little beret, it is Bastille Day at Chez Magnetobold and we are about to crack open the Moet. This year I went a little off the traditional characterture of the French meal, sure there was camembert and baguette, because well HOT CRUSTY BREAD AND CHEESE , but I wanted […]

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My weekend: In pictures and status updates. And one pick stolen from the internet, but they stole it from Pixar so it totally doesn’t count.

Prelude: I overdid it last week because HELLO I AM FUCKING SUPERWOMAN, and also because I actually forget and… Fuck you, Marlin.  Fuck you sideways… My first FB update.  Sometime between 8.30 and 9.30am, sending subliminal messages to MPS while he was out with Boo at swimming lessons. Exhibit one. Picture of my softest wonderful doona […]

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The only way to make it in this world is to be an arsehole.

I think I am a nice person. Generally. Sure, I have bad thoughts about strangling people, punching them in the pancreas and maybe spitting in their tea, but I never act on them cause I am a pussy because I am a nice person. But never gets me anywhere. Arseholes abound in my workplace, and despite […]

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13 comments continue →

10 reasons why I am clearly not a blogger.

Blogging has changed a LOT since I first opened a WordPress dashboard and started spewing my thoughts on the internet.  It is less about community and more about clicks and links, freebees and revenue. And, like the old fogey of the internet I am, I am clinging on for dear life to the old ways […]

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34 comments continue →

I love me a burger but…

Fuck me dead the smell of cooking minced beef makes me want to barf. And don’t let me come into the kitchen if you are cooking lamb.  I will paint your floor all technicolour like. The Damn Emos are adults now, but the pregnancy aversions remain. Just cooking meat. Just mince and lamb. I am […]

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37 comments continue →

I am a fucking dinosaur. Rawr.

On Wednesday we embarked on a little road trip. Boo was safely handed over to his teachers and bid farewell – with no fucking hug, damn teenagers – as he went off to camp.  A little nervous, but happy with his ipod full of music and noise cancelling headphones. Then we made our way to […]

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I am becoming a Nanna. Or a fucking hipster. I don’t know which one is worse, but the former dresses better.

{source} I want to learn to knit. For some crazy reason I am drawn to the idea of sitting there with my hands moving rhythmically, creating something while screaming at the TV shenanigans of my favourite Real Housewives Of All The Places. Even if it is shit and there is no way in hell anyone I […]

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Apple themed birthday party.

Alternative title: I am a smartarsed bitch. When I asked MPS what theme he would like for his birthday table (yeah, that is a thing here in Chez MB2) he, being the crazed Apple Macintosh fan since they were CALLED Apple Macintoshes, asked for an Apple themed party. Idiot was probably thinking I would splurge […]

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