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My life man, it is a croquembouche… that is like a clusterfuck only fancy and shit.

by Kelley

in a mind is a terrible thing to waste

Or for like when you completely lose your words in a brain fog and that is the only one that pops in your head.

But, personally, I like the first version.

And this picture that my friend Bettina made me.

Fancy as fuck.

If you have been following along on Instagram you would have seen that my life has been peppered by lots of fuckeries of late, big and small and my health has been, well… the absolute shittiest and probably why I haven’t been able to string more than an Insta update together before I take to my Fainting Couch and whine about the croquembouchery of it all.

I mean, REALLY, a bitch deserves a fucking bouquet of puppies or something already doncha think?

But I think I should really start blogging again seeing literally NOBODY is doing it anymore and isn’t that uber trendy right now? Doing the thing that no one else is doing?  I am thinking of perhaps deconstructing my blog by finding a typewriter at a garage sale and then taking a series of Polaroid photos of the typewritten pages, then photographing THEM and then uploading them to my blog.

With a smear of Nutella.  Because vegemite has already been done.

I have SO MUCH TO TELL YOU my dear friends, as long as I can keep on topic… as this post clearly demonstrates.

So what have you been up to?

What croquembouchery? (I will get around to talking about it, probably)

Whatdoyouwannaknow?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO AUTUMN?

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{ 4 comments }

Right now there is a stranger in my house and everyone is happy about it, except for me.

She is wandering around touching all my stuff. Moving them around. Picking them up. Putting them down. DUSTING. MOPPING. PICKING SHIT UP OFF THE FLOOR. Bitch is doing a full spring clean while I sit here on my fat privileged white arse and moan on the internet about someone doing all these things for me […]

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My heart started work today and I am a mess.

My tiny baby, all six foot billion of him, a jumbly mess of stims and chat-back, was surprisingly subdued this morning as we prepared for his FIRST DAY OF WORK AS A GUY OF THE WORLD OMG WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. Over the last few weeks and months I have been madly trying to secure […]

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Goalie McGoalFace

Oh hi there! Twenty-Eighteen looks okayish already doesn’t it? I haven’t left the house yet, I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair and Christmas decos are still hanging around  but s’all good in my books. Taking it sloooooow. It is what it is and all that shit. SO.  Resolutions.  Do you have […]

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Too fat, too lazy.

Ho. Ho. Ho. Apparently it is Christmas in just over a week. I don’t even have my blog Christmas headers up, let alone all of my seven hundred Christmas trees. Not one present is wrapped. And I am not sure if I have bought presents for everyone I have to buy for. Now, I have […]

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Lasts

On the weekend I did my last load of school uniforms. Ever. For 21 years, every motherfucking weekend I would start asking nicely and level up to seething while hunting around bedrooms/bathrooms/school bags for errant pieces of uniform required to send my devil spawn to their places of education. And as of this past weekend […]

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seventy, twenty six and nineteen.

It was Birthday Week last *waves hand vaguely* and as is the want of Birthday Week, it was the week of cake. If you follow me on Insta you would have seen my Dad’s train cake that did my damn head in we needed to transport to a pub 30 minutes away which was a tad interesting. […]

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Foul Mouthed Tutorials: Cortisone Injection in the hip edition.

Yeah, I know these mofos are usually birthday parties and cookery shenanigans but I thought I would switch it up a bit and chuck in a medical procedure because A. I was googling the shit out of it beforehand and they were all clinical accounts or OMG I DIED hysterical fuckers on forums or scare […]

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I am currently on day 22 of a dislocated rib OR pancreatitis. But the doctor is taking the wait and see approach because he doesn’t have to live with me. Oh and it was Birthday Week too.

But now that I have had a couple of visits to the Emergency Dept and Radiology we are now working on Intercostal Neuralgia which sounds like some sort of holiday location for neurotics. Perf. Life is never EVER boring here at the International House of Font. If you have been following along on Insta (if not […]

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BOO!

As you all know, I love me a little celebration. And I especially LOVE me a bit of decorating for celebrations. And now in Aussieland we have embraced Halloween it is increasing easy to find decorations and I am loving the SHIT out of it. Dig if you will Manor MB2… (photos taken by MPS […]

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