There was some research released the other day that said something about if everyone that was overweight lost just 3 kilos their health would improve. I saw it on the news.
Since the belly botox I have gained 3 kilos.
I have been eating everything in sight.
Sure, I can’t eat huge quantities, but OH MY FUCKING GOD I can eat nearly everything and sure as shit I am giving every damn thing a red hot go before this botox wears off.
And I am back to my bland as all fuck diet, or worse still, liquids.
We went out to dinner on Thursday night with my parents and it made me realise how little people appreciate the vast array of flavours and textures available to them on any given day.
I was practically weeping at the options – the last few years I probably could have had maybe one or two things on the menu if that – and everyone else was all very blasé. So lucky.
I know I need to slow the fuck down with my gorging, cause hell… I am in no danger of being mistaken for a waif… but after 3 years of missing out on flavour and texture sometimes I catch myself literally moaning or CRYING with joy while I eat something as simple as fresh fucking salsa.
I hope none of you ever EVER understand this feeling.
Because while right now I am on top of the world while I eat, and something as simple as sauteed mushrooms makes me weep, the reason I am weeping is because of years and years of deprivation and the knowledge that I WILL be there again.
I just don’t know when.
It could be tomorrow.
The botox could keep working for the next 5 years.
But. It will stop working eventually. And eventually I will be back to white bread and rice and dairy, or just liquids…
Or tube fed.
This is the reality. I know it. I am prepared for it.
And that is why every damn bite of spicy chicken or roasted veggie or OMG SALAD is so fucking worth it right now it makes me weep with joy.
I overdo it and have to do a couple of days of a modified version of my old diet and I am all HELL NO I WON’T GO but I know, deep down, that I will because this is a temporary fix. A fabulous shiny bandaid that will eventually wear off and statistics show that things will progress to the next level of Shitty McFuckyness.
Of formulas and tubes and such fuckery.
But I can’t dwell on that right now.
Right now I have to revel in the gloriousness of food. The possibilities of flavour. Make a list of things that I can explore and devour before that window of opportunity is lost.
One amazing, wonderful, deliriously fabulous mouthful at a time.