Actually, scratch that, by the time I got done fucking around doing shit for this family it was lunchtime so it was brunch so I am even hipsterier than ever.
No wonder I am needing double panadol osteo these days. My hips are screaming with coolness.
Apparently you are supposed to distress jeans with sandpaper but I had a spectacular brainwave (and also screw that noise) and used this mofo
(for those not in the know, this is an electronic pedi file thingo)
and sat there watching Kim Kardashian cry into her Gaultier sleeve, barely moving a muscle while distressing the shit outta mah Sussans Jeggings.
Cause I am all about the comfort.
Then I downed a coffee almond milk protein smoothie which didn’t taste too bad. I mean it wasn’t a double cheeseburger and chilli fries, but I would make it again maybe with more banana and normal milk. And a couple of valium. Perhaps tomorrow I will have a kale one after my psych appointment.
Jokes. About the kale. Obvs. Not the psych appointment, I know you are all breathing a big sigh of relief on that one.
So about fucking time, Kelley.
Now I best go and paint my nails, they are a very unflattering shade of cadaver blue from the denim. I am thinking black will probably not be the best colour, but oh so hipsterific, yes?
Perhaps a sunny yellow. To match my personality.
Shut your whore mouth.