Seriously Kelley, I don’t think you are supposed to put the punch line, so to speak, in the damn title of the blog post. Didn’t anyone teach you how to write click bait?
Sheesh.
Last time we spoke I was preparing for birthdays and graduations and yes OMG I totes have to fill you in on all of those lovely shenanigans because holy hell that awesomeness nearly put me in the damn hospital with its awesomeness, but AS IS THE WANT of the universe, that was not all that has been going on in my little world.
Oh HELL TO THE NO.
Of course not. OF COURSE NOT.
Because *laughs hysterically* I was so fucking DUE for a big ol’ clusterfuck I felt it in mah waters.
Mah cystic waters dwelling in mah ovaries.
Bursting like fucking pop rocks.
And a nice little gastroparesis flare to round it out.
And then some fine ‘official type’ emails from work to deal with.
And for some shits and giggles HISSING COMING FROM THE FUCKING ROOF, again, which means hello, the OWNER of the real estate is coming around for a little look any ol’ time now, cause they are annoyed that we are calling about it on a public holiday and the plumber is on holidays. Sorry about that. I will try and co-ordinate our plumbing emergencies better next time.
Best be cleaning every fucking room in the fucking house, then with all that extra energy I have been hiding in that exploding ovary of mine…
Especially the ensuite bathroom where there is some rusty water coming through the motherfucking wall… OMG EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NOW? Boo, has had himself a stim of all fucking stims while sitting on the fucking toilet and put a hole in the damn wall. Now. NOW.
THIS. SHIT. IS. HAPPENING. NOW.
What to do? Print out times tables and slap those fuckers up on the wall and just pretend we are good parents teaching our kid the good ol’ times table and hope like fuck they don’t notice the big fucking elbow sized hole…
Or the dust.
The hole takes up nearly the entire 11 times table.
I think I am fucking BRILLIANT.
P.S. I have no ending for this post cause I put it in the title, and I am too tired to think of another one. It has been a helluva week, friends. I need a hug and some good juju.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I couldn’t stop the helpless laugh at the hole in the toilet wall. You are brilliant to cover that up with Posters of Learning.
once I calm down I am sure I will too… Poor Boo is rather ‘confined’ in that space as it is so the fact that he was super stimming in there was quite a feat as it is, so I guess it was only a matter of time. BUT FUCK A DUCK WHY NOW????
The Fates have it in for you, it seems. Same as they do for me, too. I hope things calm down a little for you soon. *big ol’ mental squishy hug*
Holy hell. It is time for you to be able to indulge in a good solid parcel of good, hot, salty fries (and for your gastro spaces to allow it to remain in your belly for your enjoyment).
Fuck that duck NOW! I would have had gastroparesis when Boo was 2. PS. Post pix.
a hole in the wall?? Thank heavens for large posters. I had similar posters on the back of the toilet door.
I hope the hissing from whatever it was is now fixed and not likely to happen again.
Does your landlord do a white glove inspection or do you just clean as if he might? I never clean that much for an inspection, reasonable tidiness is all they expect and that’s what they get. From me anyway. Dishes done, bed made, that’s about it.
Bloody brilliant use of the times tables. Hope your ovaries start fucking behaving..bastard things.
Holy Hell in a handbasket! I found Kelley because I’m trying to figure out if my appendix or one of my inner demons (aka FECKING OVARIAN CYSTS) has burst forth with tidings of “Fuck off” for all. I thought I was alone! With the snark AND the ovaries. I love this websiter site…now, if I get the gooood meds, I’ll come back and enjoy even more!
Yes misbehaving ovaries seems to be a common affliction, and worst is it can happen at any time. Ladies please check your ovaries…ovo
Sending to you good juju Kelley