So it has been like an AGE since I was last at work… like 6 weeks or more… I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE, the days are running into each other and it doesn’t help that it is school holidays and Boo is mixing up his days and nights and the PROFESSOR, as I like to call my elderly doctor because that is his title and I am not sure if you call a professor of vascular surgery a Dr or a Mr? ANYWHOODLE, the Prof is fucking with my meds and my shit is all messed up, well not literally my shit, my shit is fine for a change thankyouverymuchforasking just every fucking other thing is messed up and when my friend called the other day and asked why I wasn’t at work I was all hmmmm because I had no damn clue what day it was. And now I am thinking HEY, stupid, whatchoo calling me when you clearly think I am at work? OMG my friends are just as stupid as me.
Probably why they are my friends, right?
This morning I woke up felt all domestic and shit and put a huge hunk of spicy meat I found in the freezer in the crockpot. Smells fucking amazing and makes me feel 50 shades of nauseous. Wonderful plan Kelley.
I had to make a gmail account with my real name (OMG WHAT? You don’t use your real name on the internet? Let me dob you in to the Facebook police… again) so I could email work with my ‘return to work plan’. I was planning on just fucking rocking up when I felt better and they could start paying me again but apparently it doesn’t work that way. I got a call from them last week as I was entering the hospital for my appointment with the Prof. Talk about bad fucking timing. Freaked me the fuck out. Now they are blowing my my email. Fun times.
All this sitting around on my fat arse is not doing my state of mind any good. I have made four hundred Pinterest boards on Spring Cleaning, Decluttering and Christmas. All I need now is a cure for all mah shizzle and I have a plan up and ready to go. HUZZAH!
I am thinking about doing yoga. I hear it is good for stress and shit. I tried Tai Chi once, but I didn’t have the patience for it. I motored through the moves and just looked like I was doing some weird 90’s dance moves to music in my own head. And meditation just stresses me out, I am always worried I am doing it wrong. Shut up.
On the weekend I bought a 3ft scream mask and a raven and I am totally going to start decorating for Halloween because why the fuck not? I live for this shit and this is going to be the easiest of all the decorating ‘holidays’ because there is no one to buy presents for and no meals to cook. So I am declaring it a day of takeaway and I am really super fucking excited.
I am very tired. Can you tell?
Do you decorate for Halloween?
Have any yoga tips for me?
Know how long it is since I was at work? I bet my boss does… I guess he will remind me, incessantly, on Monday. *sighs dramatically to no one*