MPS says that I am superstitious.
I say I am just super fucking cautious, because HELLO HAVE WE MET? Bad shit just happens to like befall me, so I don’t like to stir the cauldron so to speak by walking under motherfucking ladders or stroking black pussies and suchlike.
So when last year my internal photoshoot was scheduled for APRIL FOOLS DAY I was not very fucking happy about it to put it mildly (same could be said when the same date was badly chosen for my D&C after a not so GOOD FRIDAY miscarriage) especially seeing I was terrified I would go all PTSD on their arses while under that light sedation shit.
ANYWHOODLE, why am I dragging all that shit up today on a random date that means fuck all you ask? Cool your jets. I haven’t finished whining.
So after another rather nasty ‘flare’ MPS got jack of my bitching and moaning told me to go and get the damn gastric emptying study done already, that I have been putting off for the last forever because every fucker in our family keeps getting sick or doing shit and I can’t get a damn babysitter so I can get the stupidhead test done.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the test wont actually DO anything or change anything, it won’t even confirm anything. Some people can show fairly normal results and be really sick and some can be sporting a display stomach from IKEA and have no symptoms. The test means fuck all.
And it costs $730.
And it takes up to 8 hours.
Hence my reticence to do the damn test.
Whatever. Lets do this shizzle.
So I rocked up to the hospital to make the appointment and the chicka was awesome and we made the appointment time and she was all it only takes 2-3 hours and I was all FUCKING HUZZAH in my head but said ‘oh that is rather quick!’ and then she dropped the bomb.
‘Yeah, we ask you to bring in a DVD so you wont be bored in the machine’
Say what now?
Oh, yes my friends… 2-3 hours laying flat on my back INSIDE THE FUCKING MACHINE WITH CLAUSTROPHOBIC PTSD.
This is going to a be a HOOT.
As I gathered my jaw off the floor and clenched my pelvic floor as I was wearing light coloured pants, I bid her adieu. To see her on Wednesday 11 May.
I got in the car and my phone rang. It was the receptionist from the imaging centre.
‘Sorry Kelley! I just realised that they only do those tests on a Friday and they have to order the whatthefuckevershesaidbutitisprobablyfromChernobyl in specifically on the day, I have changed your appointment to FRIDAY THE 13TH OF MAY see you then!’
Fuck it. I hope I am allowed to take Valium and they have super fucking absorbent towels.
Are you superstitious?
Have you had a gastric emptying scan? DO TELL!
Does anyone have DVD’s anymore? THE FUCK?