The night before back to school, Thursday, Boo was all ‘it is all cool, man’ in Boo mumble grunt teenage speak when I asked him if he was happy to be going back to school the next day so I was all ‘HUZZAH!’ and went to bed metaphorically patting myself on the back and ready to chuck that shit in the Happiness Jar.
I mean, every other year he would be throwing himself on the floor wailing about how he was ready to kill himself and all that dared be in the vicinity if he had to go back to that hell hole of an educational institution, and then in the morning get up and go to school without a word.
So I thought maybe my plan of not mentioning it until the last minute worked.
So I got up Friday morning, my most HATED FUCKING SCHOOL DAY as it is the day that not only do I have to drive him four million miles to and from school, but I have to squeeze in a 5 hour work day in 4 and a half hours. I fucking despise Fridays.
He wouldn’t get out of bed. Which is typical of a teenager after 7 weeks off school. Duh.
But also ALL OF HIS SCHOOL PANTS WERE MISSING.
I know I washed them. I know they were in the cupboard just days ago. But now, every single motherfucking pair were missing.
I ran around the house pulling everything out of everywhere trying to find the fuckers to no avail.
So I pulled out a pair of black pants and told him he would have to wear them. OMG.
He took it well. What? OK. Awesome, how is that for progress!
Then, while he was in the shower I pulled out his bag and his lunchbox… wait… WHERE IS HIS MOTHERFUCKING LUNCHBOX I PUT IN THE FUCKING BAG YESTERDAY OMG THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?
After another ten minutes of pulling cupboards apart I found it stuffed down the back of the bag cupboard.
At this stage, still in my fucking pj’s with half my makeup done and with 30 minutes before we have to leave I am thinking someone is up to something.
Boo gets out of the shower, finally, and wanders in and puts on his cobbled together uniform – without a word. No complaints about the pants being wrong… nothing.
Something is up.
I tell him to make his lunch and go and chuck on some clothes for work and finish my makeup.
Come back into the kitchen to find him doing what? Sitting down staring off into space.
Oh. My. Fucking. GOD.
Three minutes till we have to leave.
He doesn’t even have his shoes and socks on.
‘My headphones are missing’
‘I don’t even care at this point, Boo. You can go to school headphoneless, shoeless and lunchless as much as I care’
And then all of a sudden his headphones appeared.
His shoes ended up on his feet.
His lunch was made and his breakfast was in his hand and we were leaving for school.
And I was only 10 minutes late for work.
(lets see how tomorrow goes when he starts back at the mainstream school. Wish me luck, guise… I am hiding all his shit under my bed)