Seriously. THE FUCK.
There are boxes of decorations strewn all over the house in various stages of explosive disarray.
Trees half erected.
I have literally BEGGED every fucker who has dared step foot in a 20 foot radius of the house to please FOR THE LOVE OF CHRISTMAS help me put up these sonofGodforsaken decorations, to no avail.
Don’t even have my MB2 Christmas headers of awesome up…
I am bereft.
Usually by now I am regaling you with tens of trees and my house is lit up like, well a motherfucking Christmas tree…
I would also be gloating that I had finished my shopping and have it all colour co-ordinately wrapped to some pinterest worthy theme but again, not this year and I have no idea when I will be able to do my gift and food shopping as Boo’s school has just finished for the year SURPRISE SORRYNOTSORRY WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU WE ARE FINISHING LIKE SUPER EARLY and my new boss just cancelled my leave that I had already had approved to do some last minute shopping and I swear to fuck I just want this year to be fucking over already.
I am considering ordering some groceries online and asking the delivery dude to string some lights while he is here.
Or perhaps blocking the courier in with my car when he delivers the next package and not letting him out until he puts up the garland in the kitchen and the lounge.
Maybe call some people over under the guise of a ‘Christmas get together’ and make them put some decorations on the tree that MPS put up on Tuesday night after we screamed at each other for 10 straight minutes because the box had been sitting in the way since Thursday HO HO HO MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
OR I could just call Christmas off all together and every one and everything can go and suck an enormous hand embroidered festive bag of dicks and Karl and I will go and spend the Christmas present/food money on an island holiday.
I am pretty sure they have trees I can get someone to decorate for me there. AND rub my feet.