I have eight posts in draft right now.
Well actually there are 297, true story, but eight that I have started and given up on in the last week or so.
I just can’t seem to get the flow going.
Normally I just sit down, and vomit out what is in my head while I watch some mindless reality tv.
But lately I can’t string a sentence together. See above. I wrote that shit out 3 times and it still doesn’t make sense.
I could blame Karl. That fucker probably has a lot to do with it.
Malnutrition can fuck with a bitch.
But part of me just wonders how many different ways is there to say ‘wow this sucks’ without people just rolling their eyes at you? I have got to the point in real life where I have just given up talking about it, pretending it doesn’t matter or minimising it all because who wants to be that person? The one that everyone avoids cause they talk about their pain and sickness and WOE IS ME incessantly.
So I tried to write some lighthearted posts and meh.
And even I haven’t got the energy for a whiney one.
So the cursor blinks at me and I watch some more Million Dollar Listing New York or Secrets and Wives or Real Housewives of All The Places and Orange Is The New Black or anything else to just escape my brain and the fact that I am spending my life in bed and I know, I know, I FUCKING KNOW, I should be thankful that I have these shows to watch and a comfortable bed and whatever that is wrong with me is making me lose weight while lounge around watching TV all day… and whoops, there I go again with the whining.
See? That person.
I could blog about schools and about how the bus driver told Boo to shut up and THAT IS SO NOT FUCKING OK and a teacher at the mainstream school basically told me they gossip behind my back but apparently thats ok because they realise now that I am probably not to blame for Boo’s school issues, but there I go again with the whining and Jesus fuck is this going to become draft post number nine?
I think my biggest problem right now is I can’t clean. Or eat my feelings. Or smoke. Or write. Or move from the motherfucking couch. Or any fucking thing… all my usual crutches or ways of coping with lifes stressors are not available to me so I am at a loss and I don’t know what the fuck to do and my brain is screaming at me to DO SOMETHING, anything to get away from itself.
And I can’t find sweet potato fries anyfuckingwhere and they are like one of the three solid foods I can fucking eat. Fuck it all to hell.
How do you get away from your own thoughts? I swear to Gah I am close to opening a vein…
Do you know where I can find sweet potato fries and if not, do you have a good recipe and will you come and make me some?
Are you watching Million Dollar Listing and OMG HOW DO PEOPLE AFFORD TO LIVE IN THESE PLACES?
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh hon. I wish I could come and ply you with sweet potato fries. It’s hard to be in that mind space and I wish I had some answers for you but I can send you many many hugs through the computer screen and I have an ear if you do want to get it all out. When I was stuck in bed last year I hated everyone and everything. It did pass but during I was a miserable sod and hated myself for being a miserable sod. Now and look back and think I have a totally justified reason to be all woe is me and all fuck everyone and everything. You have a shit tonne on your plate and you have every right to woe the hell out of that shit. Big hugs lovely lady and a great big pile of bowling ball sized hemorrhoids to those teachers and bus drivers xx
I am still a miserable sod and it has been almost 2 weeks. OMG I am sick to death of myself.
I have more people to add to the list, OK?
I’m reading. Distracting myself from all the packing I need to do. Currently can’t feel my body. Can see my hands floating over the phone typing so I know things are working ok. But my bowling ball head and razor blade strep throat seem to have sucked all sensation from the rest of me.
I would make sweet potato fries for you of I could (and try to to share my plague).
So there’s no news yet on how you could possibly get better?
Damn!
Are sweet potato fries the same as regular potato fries? If yes, then heat some oil, peel and slice the sweet potato and cook that sucker. If there’s some other fancy ingredient like cheese or whatever, then I have no idea.
I’m not the best one to give advice on this issue, but yes, reading helps. I’m afraid I’m still eating my feelings but also trying mindfulness and breathing as much as I can. Learnign to medidate does fix this, but it’s hard.
I am eating my feelings in my dreams. I wonder if that counts?
please. no vein opening, I tried to cut off a toe (accidenatelly) with a wine glass last night.
My blood is SOOOOO bright red
This is why you should just drink the wine directly from the bottle.
Or switch to tequila.
(hope your toe is better my lovely x)
I am so sorry. I know that space of trying so hard not to be THAT PERSON but it’s really hard because you are living THAT PERSON’s life.
Have you seen Wentworth? It’s sort of a prequel to Prisoner: Cellblock H of blessed memory.
I have it. Watching Vikings at the moment… will mark it for watching next! I adored Prisoner when I was a pre-teen!
Look. I can’t give you sweet potato thingys but I can pass on a compliment. Last year at ProBlogger I heard some ladies talking about you and raving about your ability to write. I agree. You have a gift with words. I know it’s not much but if someone passed on that to me I’d feel better. xxx
thank you my lovely. Really. In my state of mind right now I am inclined to think that you are just saying this to make me feel good, but hopefully soon I will get my inflated ego back and use it as my tagline.
x
You know what works? Colouring books. Shit you not. Even if you don’t have any natural ability. Get an awesome colouring book, a decent set of pencils and colour that shit in. Go psychedelic or realistic. Go light-handed or go hard. It’s keeping my trich (hair pulling) at bay and helping me calm down of an evening. I even got a little sleep last night. So yeah…. be 12 again.
beats the shit out of knitting. I would just use those needles as weapons.
It’s your blog and you can whine if you want to. When are those freaking doctors going to get their act together and find out what the problem is? I can help with the sweet potato fries though. You have to book yourself a holiday at Sunshine Beach and go to The Deck Cafe. They make really, really good ones
Oh I wish I could!
Just need to win the lottery first.
As for the doctors… yeah, your guess is as good as mine. *sigh*
Oh, lady. Whinge away! We all need an outlet for it. I totally get it. I hate when I can’t just talk something out and I hate feeling like THAT person if I do. But blogging is the best therapy (I also have a private journal where I just unleash – gosh it’s good).
I hope you get well soon. Can’t imagine how stir crazy you must feel.
x
Thanks sweetness. You should see my drafts… FULL of whine. Writing is such good therapy.
But not as good as all of you. I wish I could fund a weekend away for all of us to just sit down and chat. How good would THAT be?
Whine away, you are perfectly entitled. I make sweet potato fries and wedges just by slicing them thinly round and spraying with a little oil and baking, or cutting into wedges and doing the same. You can season with garlic or pepper or throw some chives or rosemary or whatever you like on for flavour, if Karl will allow you that luxury. Dead easy. I would make them for you, but you now, we both live in the middle of two different BumFuck Nowheres so I can only send you the recipe. I was watching Orange Is the New Black with a friend last night and I said the it looked like a good life compared to mine. He thought I was joking …
IKR? Someone else doing the cooking… don’t have to worry about money or food or anything. I get it.
Hey dude. I’ve been feeling like some pain therapy lately, and each of my eyebrows look like Merv Hughes’ moustache, so I was thinking of killing two birds with one stone and trying threading for the first time.
I also saw a picture of a woman who wanted to cut, so she painted on her arms instead – the picture was gorgeous and I wish I could find the damn thing again.
Maybe one of those suggestions will help? I don’t know. But a comment from a likeminded person definitely will, so I’ll hit post instead of delete for a change 😉
did you ever try the threading? How was it?
(notice I avoid the rest of the comment? Heh…)
I hear you about not being able to get things out in usual ways, I’m dealing with a similar thing right now. It’s taking all my willpower but shit I’ll get there. You’re allowed to moan, it makes me feel better about moaning. I hear that baking helps some people… or craft (beer)… 😉 love and light to you x
fuck baking. I can’t eat it so no fucker is going to benefit from my misery.
I am all about the selfishness. Heh.
x
Feeling the feels or whine with you .
Whine away.
The local Hotel has them and damn I wanted them last night , but I would’ve had to share and between 6-7 ladies – if wouldn’t have been much for me.
The frozen variety McCains are pretty tasty.
fuck sharing.
I can’t find any ANYWHERE! No place here sells any anymore!!!!!! I don’t know why… maybe other people are obsessing about them like me. Maybe Karl is infiltrating the gut of many other people and they can only eat sweet potato fries too…
Million dollar listing – clearly they took Hockey;s advice and got good jobs that pay well
heh. Hockey is a fucker.
Cutting doesn’t give enough release don’t bother but smashing the living shit out of something innate gives me immense joy. In my head my greates satisfaction would be sand wedge vs sports car but now I grab a whole heap of shitty things and hurl them hard at the wall and take great delight in hearing them break. It’s more socially acceptable than taking to people and cars with a tyre iron but screw that bitch autism I can’t putt hands around her neck so smashing things is my guilty pleasurable release