And, by the looks of it, I will be visiting as often as humanly possible because MAH BABY!
*wipes the trail of snot dripping from nose with the back of her hand, while a pool of tears collects in her cleavage*
OK. *takes a deep breath to explain*
Maddie is moving to Sydney.
Biatch turned up at Christmas with this awesome American dude who was all fucking nice and AWESOME and fucking won us over with his niceness and loveliness and awesomeness and then the fucker went and STOLE MY BABY.
Or something totally not like that at all.
Well the first part is true. He is lovely. And we think he is awesome. And we were blindsided.
AND HE STOLE OUR FUCKING BABY.
So he is literally a dingo.
An American Dingo.
An American Dingo stole my baby and is taking her to fucking Sydney.
I am fucking dehydrating from all the weeping.
Hold me internet.