I know Boo loves me.
Intellectually I know it.
But it is not something he has ever said to me.
Before he had language, and we communicated via the written word, he wrote ‘I love you, Mummy’. Sure, it was after I wrote ‘I love you, Boo’ and during a therapy session where he was copying me conversationally, but fuck it I am taking that and running with it.
Explanation of why it is on cardboard and a freaky prophetic post here
I still have the paper. Duh.
Now I BEG him to say it. Say it is the only thing that I want for Christmas, my birthday, Mothers Day or even fucking MONDAY, but still he doesn’t say it.
Maddie on the other hand will text me ‘I love you mummy’ daily, shit, she even tweets it.
Especially when she wants something.
But Boo remains mute.
If I ask him if he loves me, he sort of mumbles yes, but it is not clear.
But he does. I mean COME ON, whats not to love? I am fabulous.
When it came to camp he was adamant that he wasn’t staying two nights, however we managed to convince him to. The lure was the (young pretty and blonde) American teacher, a campfire, and smores.
We dropped him off at the bus with his huge bag and, as always, I begged him to say ‘I love you’.
In the car of course, not in front of his fellow surly teens, I am not a monster.
And, as always, he refused. And, as always, I had a sad but sucked it up and hugged him extra tight. Two days worth of hugs.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and he was telling me how he was going to tell the teacher off for making him stay two nights at camp instead of one.
‘Why does that make you so upset Boo? You LOVED camp!’
‘Yes I did. But. I was… afraid I was going to lose you’
After a long conversation, it turns out that he was scared that I wouldn’t be here any more when he got back so he didn’t want to leave me.
And if that is not a big huge I fucking LOVE you wrapped up with the good wrapping paper and one of those fancy arsed bows that they only get in the movies then I don’t know what is.
I am taking that, and my piece of paper from 13 years ago, and running all the way down the street with it.