When trawling through my archives from last year to get the recipe for this cake – due to the Great MacBook Death of 2012 I didn’t have on my new computer – I discovered that SURPRISE SURPRISE I promised a recipe and then didn’t fucking deliver.
I am totally a cake tease.
Thankfully I found it expertly filed with all the other recipe printouts behind Boo’s snack bin in the pantry.
HUZZAH FOR ALL!
I made this cake last year for MPS’s birthday and even I ate it. And I HATE cake.
So when Birthday Week rolled around again and I asked my Daddy what sort of cake he wanted he was all ‘whatever you want’. Unfortunately MPS was in earshot and started bounding around the house screeching that he wanted the Ferrero Rocher Cake.
And you totally want it too. You know you do.
First of all preheat your oven to 160C and then chuck a couple of bags of hazelnuts into a baking pan and cook for 10 minutes while you are getting out the rest of the ingredients.
Please note: You will only actually USE less than half of the 500g of hazelnuts. Adjust your method as you see fit.
Remove from oven and let cool while you get the cake ready.
The cake bit.
I stole most of this recipe from the internet. Alas I can’t find the original to link to. I suck, have at it.
I go all French and shit and rock the Mise en Place
otherwise I forget ingredients because I am fancy.
You will need:
220 grams of plain flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1 tsp of the REALLY GOOD vanilla extract not that cheap imitation shit. If you don’t have the good stuff leave it out.
1 cup of hot coffee (espresso is best, you could probably get away with instant but WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?)
Crank up the heat on the oven to 180C and prepare 2 20cm cake pans. I like to line the base with a circle of glad bake and then stick strips to the sides and then spray the shit outta them.
Nothing worse than fucking stuck cake. That is why cake pops were invented. No fucking non stick spray and glad bake. Also valium, that is why it is called ‘Mothers Little Helper’ cause of fucking stuck cake freakouts. Not popping a couple of Little Johnny’s Ritalin (despite the fact it probably wasn’t even invented yet… WHATEVZ) you would CARE that the cake stuck cause you would just make another 12.
And paint the house, and the neighbours house and knit jumpers for all the cats.
Where was I? Recipe…
In a measuring jug (to save dishes) combine the buttermilk, oil, eggs and vanilla in that order. And whisk the shit outta it.
Brew some coffee. One cup for the cake, one cup for you and 2 tbsps for the filling (recipe below)
Chuck the flour, salt, baking soda and baking powder in the mixer and give it a couple of turns on low to mix it together and break up any lumps. Cause nobody got time for sifting shit.
Add the sugar and cocoa and mix on low till it is all combined.
Leaving the mixer on low speed slowly add the ingredients in the measuring jug until it is just combined and then add the cup of hot coffee.
Freak the fuck out cause it is pure liquid.
Continue freaking the fuck out and madly trying to think of another option if this cake doesn’t turn out because OMG YOU LEFT IT TO THE LAST MINUTE AGAIN DIDN’T YOU KELLEY YOU FUCKING IDIOT, while pouring the OMGOMGOMGOMG IT LOOKS LIKE HOT CHOCOLATE batter evenly into your prepared tins.
Bake for 35-40 minutes while you are madly googling quick chocolate cake recipes and then breathe a sigh of relief when you take it out of the oven after a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.
Cool in the pan for 30 minutes and then turn out on a cooling rack to completely cool while you take a fucking valium and make the filling.
The Chocolate Hazelnut filling party in your mouth bit.
OMG GET IN MAH BELLEH.
400ml thickened cream
3 HUGE dessert spoons of Nutella
2 tbsps of espresso coffee
a glug of Kahlua (Baileys works too)
Mix together the Nutella, coffee and Kahlua. It will totally look like it is going to separate but it will come together with a little elbow grease and screaming.
Whip the cream until it forms stiff peaks (approximately the time it takes to eat 4 tablespoons of Nutella whilst standing against the bench watching Mia the Kitchenaid do her thang) and then gently fold in the Nutella/Coffee/Kahlua goodness.
Store in the fridge until you are ready to assemble.
While you make another batch for lunch.
The assemble that shizzle bit.
In order to burn off that half jar of Nutella you just absentmindedly polished off while waiting for the cakes to cool and The Real Housewives of New Jersey to find a fucking plot line besides the one they had in season two forfuckssake, you get to pound the shit out of those nuts we roasted earlier.
My preference is to chuck em in a bag and bash the living shit out of them with a marble rolling pin. You can use a food processor or your husbands head.
Totally your preference.
Split the cakes in half. The easiest way I have found is to score a line about an inch into the cake all the way around and then keep spinning it and cutting further in until the cake is split.
Imagine a YouTube tutorial here explaining the above. I am looking SMOKING HOT today and have the voice of a sex phone worker.
Put one half of one cake on the serving plate. Dollop on 1/4 of the filling and spread evenly.
Sprinkle with hazelnuts.
Repeat till you get to the top and cover that bastard in Ferrero Rochers, ensuring that there will be one Rocher per slice cause people go fucking INSANE if they get a piece without one of those balls on.
Especially if the person beside them got two.
For your safety I suggest you use a safety knife or a blunt object to cut the cake. It is so light and soft you could probably cut it with a feather from an angels wing.
Motorboat that bastard and come up smiling.