I am well enough now to know when I am dangling over the precipice, toes gripping the edge.
Aware of the signs and able to stave it off a little longer.
It has been a stressful few weeks, no time alone to decompress. Having to be ‘on’ all the time.
Cracks are forming and those that know me and the crazy that I carry well enough can see it in my eyes.
My questioning everything.
My inability to make a decision.
I have been desperately holding on till Wednesday, around 10am would be perfect, when I finally get to be alone.
To let the crazy hang out.
Let it run free on a short leash. Reign it in in time to be happy smiley Kelley at school pick-up.
I can tell when I am completely and utterly spent, that is when I see the shadows.
There is nothing there of course, just my hyper vigilant mind over processing everything desperately trying to hold it all together. Misfiring neurons a small price to pay given the alternative.
Out the corner of my eye I see them.
Seconds ago I leapt from my chair from the shadowspider on my foot.
Shadowmen standing behind me.
Crawling across the floor, slipping behind the door.
Hiding in the shadows…
So Wednesday is the day where I will take it slow, sit in the sun and heal my stressed out brain.
And, hopefully, banish the shadows forever.