I am a girl with three names.
Three last names that is.
I am known by my maiden name, a town in England.
I am known by my married name, a long Hungarian name that MPS’s father adopted when he came to Australia. A name that was more Hungarian than his real name, to enable him to fit in better with the Hungarian immigrants rather than his more Polish sounding last name. A name that I have to spell over and over again and then explain the origins.
I am known by my husbands ‘stage name’. An Anglosized version of his name, easier for listeners to remember and recognise.
Three last names.
When I was brain farting in hospital, every shift change I would approach the nurses station and say ‘Hi! I am Kelley LongHungarianName in room 5 with the naked farting elderly lady that is collecting her own pee. Just letting you know that I may have calls and visitors for Kelley TownInEngland or Kelley AnglosisedLongHungarianName, so if anyone comes in looking for a Kelley that would be me.’
And they would look at me like I had a brain injury or something.
Before MPS and I finally got married cause I was goddamn sick of having to say ‘Yes, I am Moo LongHungarianName’s mother and Yes MPS AnglosisedLongHungarianName IS their father and YES I do have a different last name. Is it really that hard? Just call me Kelley forChristsSake!’ I tried to pretend that it didn’t matter to me.
It didn’t matter that people just assumed, because of my age, that all my kids had different fathers.
It didn’t matter that I would have to explain over and over again that LongHungarianName was MPS’s real last name and that was why the kids had LongHungarianName and I had TownInEngland cause who needs a damn piece of paper to prove commitment?
Nineteen and pregnant and he didn’t leave town is enough commitment, innit?
When we moved to another country town back in the year when the planes hit the towers, we decided to change ALL of our names to AnglosisedLongHungarianName so it would just be EASIER.
We got all the papers, enrolled the kids in school under AnglosisedLongHungarianName, changed my name again for the second time in eighteen months and then promptly forgot to lodge the name change documents cause the effulent hit the airconditioner and my world spun on its axis when Boo was diagnosed.
And we moved back to where we came from to access services (that we are still waiting for 12 years later) and we all went back to LongHungarianName and AnglosisedLongHungarianName and TownInEngland once more.
So here I am, still the girl with three last names.
Once I hated it. Now I use it to my advantage.
TownInEngland not so much anymore… but it pops up every now and then.
AnglosisedLongHungarianName is very convenient for bloggy shizzle and instances where they INSIST on a last name and I just can’t deal with the whole ‘OMG how do you spell that and where is it from?’ and ‘are you Japanese?’
LongHungarianName however, is fucking PERFECT when signing documents and letters to clients. I only use my first initial and rarely get phone calls challenging me cause they can’t pronounce it and just ASSUME that I am not going to speak English.
Jokes on them. Morons.
So while having three last names used to drive me batshit-run-down-the-street-screaming-Iam-a-teapot crazy, now I think it is pretty cool.
And my poor postie has just given up. As long as it is addressed to this address he is going to deliver it.
Cause thanks to blogging I have added ‘Motherfucking Princess’ and ‘Queen of fucking Everything’ to the list.