Yeah, I am still posting during the madness that is the preparations up to Christmas.
Or Tuesday for all those non believers in the giver of joy, Santa Claus.
I was going to do a separate post for each room because I am THAT self absorbed and you are THAT interested in the minutiae of my life, but what would you know it? Fucking life got in the way so you get yourself a fucking HUGE post of all my decorations designed to make you feel inadequate and me feel like the motherfucking QUEEN of CHRISTMAS!
In order to not have my neighbours hate me as much as I despise them, there are no decorations outside except for the Dementor in the tree out back being protected by Harry’s Patronus.
And that shit is staying cause it is AWESOME.
(side note: I shall do a foul mouthed tutorial on how to make your own terrifying tree Dementor in the New Year. You are welcome.)
So although there are no outside signs of what you are about to behold, I believe every home needs a taste of what is to come in the form of the door wreath…
Normally I have a candy cane fashioned out of greenery but this year I decided to go all disco. To tie in with JUST JACK!
Disturbingly, as you drive in and notice the wreath out the corner of your eye the ball tinsel looks scarily like legs of a HUGE motherfucking spider. Maddie and I simultaneously shit our pants the first time.
As you enter you meet Exhibit B (long story) who is the Keeper of The Key. Without which no fucker gets any presents cause Santa can’t get in so don’t lose it.
Cause I ain’t leaving no fucking door or window open.
Here is the loungeroom which, as always is all understated and elegant until one of the males of the house enters and then it is all shoes and pants and farts and it all goes to fucking hell.
If you look closely at Boo’s ‘area’ you will notice it tastefully decorated with a contortionist Power Ranger and a bowl full of Teletubbies and hamburger chew toys from the pet store.
Santa made by MPS last year.
Snapes Patronus. Always.
The Adults Tree.
A side table with a picture sent to me by my friend Lou. Always pride of place even at Christmas.
Where my Housewives Of All Of The Places live. And my new friends from Downton Abbey.
And then we have the family room with the aforementioned Jack,
The Hutch painted the same colour as Maddies hair and ready for the Xmas day feast.
The Above The Fridge Tree that screams for a better name.
This sweet tree that makes me smile with its bright colours, and from which I am taking the table theme for Christmas Day. With a touch of Jack.
The santa and sleigh here I have had for 20 years along with the antique circus train circling the tree, the tree lights up at night (solar power) and looks quite motherfucking magical.
See? Night time, fucking magical.
Then we wander past Boo’s Tree to the kitchen…
Christmas plates, OF COURSE.
Wreaths on the doors. DUH.
Tree full of MACARON DECORATIONS OMFG I ADORE THESE THINGS!
The cuteness KILLS ME DEAD.
Above hangs a garland with Christmas cookie cutters hanging from ribbon AS YOU DO.
Then we wander down the hallway…
past the Santa Shelf in front of The Door To Nowhere.
Every year Maddie and I pick out a new Santa. An accidental tradition. 2012 Santa, top row far right.
and the Laundry tree...
the hall table where I put my keys (MPS, not so much…)
A card from one of my internetz besties… I wonder if she will recogise it.
to the end of the hall and my favourite little tree of all.
I love it cause it is hidden and I think I am the only one that knows that it is there.
Hello little fella.