I was 19 when I hosted my first Christmas.
As has been well established, MOTY did not inherit her mothers fabulous taste in shoes nor her ability to produce a magnificent feast for 30 out of a tiny kitchen, so our first ever turkey was my first foray in cooking for a crowd.
I had this HUGE fucking turkey and no idea what to do with it.
These were the days before Al Gore invented the internet so the only googling I was doing was through recipe books in the bookstore and bursting into tears at the supermarket.
Family Circle magazine was all ‘how to stuff your turkey’ showing all these magnificent brown birds full of garlic bulbs and lemons and the only stuffing I was aware of was that mysteriously grey shit that fell out of my 1/4 chicken and chips from the local chicken shop.
I finally settled on a box of this:
Sage and onion stuffing.
But I wanted to go all fancy arsed like my nanna would do so I found a packet of crushed peanuts in the pantry leftover from the rocky road and chucked that shit in, gave it a mix and hoped for the best.
Come Christmas day I presented my stuffed Turkey to rounds of applause and my younger brother, The Golden Child, ended up eating nearly an entire plate of stuffing declaring it the most wonderful thing he had ever put in his mouth.
Clearly this was BEFORE he went into the Navy. Heh.
So every year my brother asks if I am cooking the turkey.
And requests double stuffing.
So every motherfucking year I have to buy two boxes of this shit, empty it into a bag along with a bag of crushed nuts, hide the boxes in the very bottom of the bin and pretend that I have been slaving away for weeks making this stuffing.
Because it is TRADITION now.
And to be honest, it wouldn’t be Christmas without it.
Do you have a Christmas tradition that you have just to make someone elses Christmas even if it drives you batshit motherfucking crazy especially seeing you have to go to SIX DIFFERENT SUPERMARKETS to find the damn stuff and you just want to do something new but you wont cause the look on his face, even 20 years later, is worth missing out on fancy arsed cranberry and macadamia stuffing?
It has been brought to my attention that I STILL haven’t posted pics of all of my Christmas trees. I shall take some shaky crappy iphone pictures and post them before Christmas. 2014. Promise.